forestdreamer

2012-01-19T11:17:00.006+08:00

Far East Travel & Lifestyle Pte Ltd sucks as a travel agency. It has one of the worst customer service I've ever seen. To confirm a deal reservation, my friend and I had to go down to the agency twice, called up numerous times and still there is no confirmation. And twice they gave us empty promises, saying that they will confirm with us but after waiting for weeks there was just no response already.

We have also emailed so many times but they just don't bother to reply. Actually what is the point of having an email address if nobody even bother to check the email.

Today, when I called in, nobody answers the phone until the 3rd consecutive call I've made. If there is a lack of manpower, just hire more people for goodness sake. Why would you want to save that kind of money to piss off yet another customer who is bringing you business.

From my experience with them, I am not giving them another chance. Just want to give my honest feedback about them so others are aware of how bad their customer service is. I seriously want my refund if they still cannot help us confirm the deal which we actually purchased like 2 months ago. For working people, it is really a pain and great disappointment to have to go through so many failed confirmation of getting a simple deal settled....

2011-10-21T17:21:00.003+08:00

It's not easy being caught in the middle, whereby no matter what you do you will be at fault for something. With or without action, you will be faulted because of the pressures from different sides. It's not even a matter of whether I am doing my part to assist. It's a matter of what consequences I will get from helping you because if I help you I may be getting troubles elsewhere.

It sucks to be caught in the middle. But that is how it is in life. It is all about dealing with mistakes you have done which you had to because you were forced to under pressure. It's about making the choice to make someone angry in order to cover your own ass and someone else's ass. It is something I am still learning...

2011-09-10T00:07:00.003+08:00

09/09 is a special day because it's the day we are officially together. It is the day I'm truly your gf; and it's the day we exchange promises to stand by each other and make it last. Although we only know each other recently, I feel that I already known you for long. This may be the start of the many challenges and sadness that is to come, but I am not afraid to face them all and I will never regret knowing you and taking this step to be with you. Thank you for coming into my life. From now on, I want to be a better person for you. May we have the luck and strength to hold on till the end of life. :)

2011-09-06T00:07:00.002+08:00

Thank you for appearing in my life and showing me what happiness could have been. I'm not sure if you will disappear one day. For now, I just want to enjoy the time we spend together. It feels like I've known you for long even when we've just met. How strange. Could this be fate?

2011-08-17T18:19:00.003+08:00

In order to love others, you must first love yourself. Only when you love and accept who you are will you able to gain the strength to love those around you. Hence, please do yourself and others the favour by giving yourself the love which you need to see through all of life's difficulties and challenges.

2011-08-16T10:22:00.001+08:00

I need my un-political space.

2011-08-15T11:52:00.004+08:00

I would not think of myself as being irreplaceable. Because that is fatal to a ever growing society, ever changing system/workplace and ever-changing people. I am not irreplaceable. So I am not afraid of mistakes and of the thought that I will be leaving some day, as I would probably do that one day.

- I will give my heart in doing what has to be done, according to my abilities and leave the rest to fate -

2011-08-14T10:50:00.003+08:00

A man just came in, asked for a phone, and started talking to an imaginary person over a dead line (did not dial any number on the phone). You wonder why God allow such misfortune to happen to people if God exists. Why God allow illness, misery and sufferings to prevail? It can be quite upsetting.

So he sits there, talking to himself. Maybe this is the only way he can pass his time. Bless him.

2011-08-14T10:19:00.003+08:00

Today is a lazy Sunday.

Have been carrying a heavy heart upon awakening these days. It's like I'm just waking up for the sake of waking, working for the sake of working, living for the sake of living. Where is the rush, the sense of purpose, the meaning of life?

It's easy to point the fingers and find fault in people. But when you're in it yourself, you will realize how limited you can do, how difficulty it is to please people. I shall live in peace knowing that I do what I can under such conditions.

- Seeking for greater awareness and strength, then choosing to be the fool in life -

2011-07-04T20:53:00.007+08:00

This week is going to be a bz week for me. Besides the days when I'm working, my other days will be spent on going to commencement in NUS. Will be attending bro' commencement on Thurs and then my own on Saturday. I am excited, nervous and at the same time slightly sad that commencement day is coming. I can't wait to see all my NUS friends once again in school. Yet, it might be one of the last time I may see some of them. I can only say that even though we all may part and continue into our different paths in life, the memories of the time spent together as well as the true feelings of the friendship will always be in my heart. That feeling itself had no end to it when it is true. That's what I believe.

I will not be upset with myself for making people upset. Why should I let myself suffer for others' choice to be less forgiving, less understanding and less considerate to me? That is something I hope you all out there who have the same experience as me will learn to accept and believe in. This will give you a sense of courage to smile and be happy, for you really don't need to make your day as unpleasant as theirs, because you are able to see good in people and willing to make the efforts to be good to people, unlike them. =)

2011-06-28T22:13:00.004+08:00

Emotions are the extra bagguage which I need to let go off at some point in time. It is painful to change, but it is even more painful to be unable to protect yourself from self-inflicted hurt.

2011-06-19T22:10:00.005+08:00

Have gone through my first week at work. I'm still settling in with less than 50% knowledge of what I'm suppose to be doing for my first job. People are either not there or too busy to train me on my job scope. I guess I'm still in my honeymoon period for this job. It should increase in difficulty in due course. I hope work will not come piling on me all of a sudden for I don't really like major changes. Then again, since when do I have a choice in choosing what comes into my life? Maybe it's time I learn to let go of control and have fun in the changes, which I was so uncomfortable with in my life.

I don't want to lose sight of my pursuit of a greater, sillier dream which I have, the real motivation for accepting this current job. I may need further studies to accomplish what I intend to do in the future. But for now, I just want to settle in and get a full feel of the job at hand before I can execute my other plans. I hope I will not become lazy or that I will lose the courage to pursuit the dream. It will be a long and arduous fight to reach that goal. I hope it will not be forgotten before it has even begun.

PS: It is not easy losing that sense of control, to embrace your fears and uncertainties. The struggle between illusion and reality is my greatest battle in life. Perhaps I should learn to see the beauty of grey and live with it, instead of trying to choose between the black and the white.

2011-06-12T15:53:00.004+08:00

Will be reporting to work and starting a new phase of life tomorrow. I feel slightly unprepared for all the changes to my life and somewhat unsettled since there are still unresolved problems in my life. Yet, I will learn to deal with my work life and cope with the problems in my personal life starting from tomorrow on.

I wanted to resolve my problem fast because I don't know if things would change after I have started to work. I wanted to confirm the situation and let my heart settle down before I neither have the time or the courage to seek the answer I need. But, I'm not sure if all these is actually good for us or if it only serves to fulfill my own pleasure of getting to somewhere I thought will be better for myself. What good does it serve if I should neglect the other because of my busy schedule? Will I ruin the wonderful friendship because of my feelings? What if the other doesn't want the kind of obligation with me? Then I thought, maybe I shouldn't ask anything, for all the uncertainties I have no answers to.

It takes more than my own feelings to get into somewhere I hope I would be. You do not have to be with someone who is important in your life. You just need to do the things which is best for them.

2011-06-07T22:49:00.006+08:00

Okie. I shall not be lazy. Let me do a quick entry on the KL trip which began last wed morning and ended last Friday afternoon before my memory of it fades. Anyway, to sum it up, it was a really short trip to KL. The main purpose was to take the train, since it would cease in operation in July.

Perhaps what is worth mentioning is our visit to Batu Cave in KL. I thought it was pretty interesting for a Geographer like me to see what limestone structure is all about in real life. It's also pretty cool to enter the Dark Cave (costs RM35 for entrance, to be use for conservation purpose) and experience what it is like to be in pitch dark condition. I must say it is highly dangerous if one is to lose a torchlight in there because it is so dark that you feel like you are blind inside the cave. I can't even see my hand and fingers in front of me when we all switched off our torchlights.

The world's tallest Murugan statue (Hindu deity)

Murugan overlooking KL

Natural skylight

Limestone cliff

Dark Cave Map (green area is the conserved area)

Skylight inside the Dark Cave

Other than that, we spent most of our time in the trip shopping at Berjaya Times Square and Sungei Wang. Most of us bought shoes and footwear (except for JQ who went all in to buy angry bird soft toys, haha) as they are pretty comfortable and cheaper compared to Singapore. I would also like to comment that the hostel we have stayed in "Back Home" is a pretty good place. It's quite clean and the shower is great. The service there is good as the people tending the place are friendly and hospitable. The only flaw is perhaps the low wi-fii range. We could only receive wi-fii at the common area outside our rooms. Also, we had to queue up to toast our bread for breakfast in the morning. But there's nothing much to complain for paying RM38 (S$15.58) per night. It's quite a good deal.

Sungei Wang Mall (looking like Far East Plaza in Singapore)

Berjaya Times Sqaure (mega mall)

Okie. I think that will be all for the KL trip entry. I hope I can continue to blog after I've start working on next Monday. Not too sure. But I shall be busy this week doing the things I need/want to do before I work. Time to play is running out on me! =(

2011-06-06T14:51:00.002+08:00

I was back from Malaysia since last Friday. I have wanted to do a blog entry on my trip there but I have been busy with meeting up friends and that my mood is not right after Yuan Yuan fell ill this morning. She has not been eating since then. Shall bring her to see a vet at 6+pm today (since it is the earliest appointment timing I can get). I hope she will not be in grave danger.

I should be starting work next week. There are many things which I want to do before that but I'm not sure if I will have the chance to. Maybe I am not quite prepared for a new phase of life to come just as yet. Maybe there are too many concerns regarding this job to look forward to it. But it was I who want to start work now. Perhaps I don't want to be the last one amongst my friends who doesn't have a job. Perhaps I want to start earning money to support my family and let my dad retire soon. Or perhaps working is the only way to escape from certain problems which I have no solutions to, for having the excuse to not try, to not be at any fault because one is busy. Being busy is a very common and lousy excuse for not being there, for not trying to care, and is one which I will so cheaply use it now to avoid some personal problem.

I suppose I will be going into work to clear shit from next week onwards. I would be going in, hoping that people do not blame me for causing a bad reputation to them even before I enter. God says that my thoughts are in agreement with her but why do I still feel so afraid and hopeless? Is my heart really so frail? Is it my fault for being so weak? I guess sometimes I'm just too tired to pull myself up from the pithole I thought I am falling into.

2011-05-30T12:35:00.006+08:00

I have checked my results early in the morning today. Woke up by instinct at 8+am. First thing I did was take out my phone to check the sms sent by NUS. Saw my results and the heavy stone in my heart was removed at last. My final results: cap 3.52. Am graduating with a 2nd lower hons.

It isn't a result to be proud of. It is a grade which could easily slip to a 3rd class hons. And my grades are definitely one of the lowest in my geo hons class. Yet, I was proud of myself for having come to this grade, for surviving in my struggles with school, with life and have made it to my goal of obtaining that 2nd lower hons goal. The 2nd lower hons status may not mean much to many people, but it meant a great deal to me. It was a testament to my efforts, my perseverance and my determination to get what I aspire. Yes, it is true that my main source of motivation for staying on with the 4th year was because I couldn't say bye to my uni friends then. But that also meant to me that I had to work hard to maintain the cap which was dangerously close to a 3rd class hons, a situation I didn't want to be in because it would mean that I have failed as a hons student. I'm thankful for where I am in today, that I have not failed as a hons student, not failed my parents and most important of all, not failed myself.

PS: I thank my profs for not marking me down on my thesis. Thank you for recognising my efforts in doing something which was perhaps unconventional but meant a great deal to me because I wish to do a part for the society in my own means. Thank you prof godfrey yueng for encouraging me and understanding my difficulties when doing the thesis. I thank the people who have helped me in my thesis, who have kindly agreeed to respond to my emails and interviews. I will always remember their kindness and will carry with me the same kindness they have shown to me to those I meet in future. Lastly, I thank my friends and my family for being my great source of motivation in my 4 years of studying in NUS. Thank you all. =)

2011-05-28T17:37:00.007+08:00

I'll be going to KL, Malaysia from the 1st of June (wed) to 3rd of June (Fri) next week, with fellow geo girls Esther, Ho Si Hui, Renu and Jiaqi. It'll be a quick getaway from Singapore for us, and a time to catch the train leaving from Tanjong Pagar train station in Singapore before the station ceases its train operation on the 1st of July this year. We will be take about 7 hours to reach our destination in KL on wed (if we have survived FS, we will survive this). I should be camping at SH's house on tues night cause I don't really know how to get to the Railway station from my house (or rather I think I need someone to wake me up early in the morning on wed).

The main entrance of the Tanjong Pagar Railway station.

The ticketing counter inside the station.

Pretty interior deco.

The train to Malaysia.

I hope that we will have a safe and great trip in KL. Since it is a really short trip, the planning is much faster and easier compared to my TW trip. I suppose the main concern is safety issue since we will be staying in a 6 room unit in a hostel when we only have 5 girls. But should be alright. I shall start to pack tomorrow or on Monday. Don't think I'll take too long to do it.

PS: The results will be out on Mon. Although I have already prepared myself for the worse, I suppose it would still be scary to see the actual results. Sigh...

2011-05-22T13:39:00.012+08:00

I was at the Singapore Zoo and Night Safari with my bro, his gf and his gf's mom yesterday. It was quite fun being there, looking at the animals, just maybe not that refreshing an adventure for me since I was there a couple of times before. I thank my bro for the treat yesterday. Was so indulged into eating sinful food like KFC and Ben & Jerry's ice-cream. Haha. Felt like a kid going to the zoo all over again. =P

After commenting so much on my TW trip, I should reflect a bit about the local attractions as well. To be honest, I really cannot give a good account of the zoo or the night safari since I've not been to those overseas and so I cannot give a good comparison of how well the 2 local attractions fare. What I can say is that no animals are caged in the Singapore Zoo and Night Safari, which is different from some other animal enclosure in other countries. When I was there, I also felt that the place was pretty easy to navigate, so tourists will have little problems finding their way. I have pretty much enjoyed the animal performances as well. I thought some of the performances could actually have been longer in duration since everyone was pretty much having fun watching them. I also thought that it would be better if there are more video clips introducing the animals at various resting points so as to better educate the public on the basic characteristics and interesting facts of the animals.

Getting prepared for the 2 new pandas coming in next yr.

Cute Sun bears which Ah Bear will be jealous about. =P

Pretty blue bird.

Cute flying foxes hanging on the branches.

Super cute prairie dogs!

Monkey!

Baboons.

Penguins which love to cluster for warmth.

Grey kangaroo.

Cute kangeroo!

Haha. Funny elephant show. =)

A performing seal.

Yawn. White tiger is actually very lazy.

Tired white tiger can be very unglam...

If I were to compare on the zoo with the night safari, I thought the zoo is targeted more towards the kids and families (and photographers) while the night safari more towards nature lovers. I personally like the Night Safari better because of the tram ride. I think it is great to observe the animals from a distance, listening to some introduction regarding them and just enjoy the quiet night in the company of animals. Maybe I was less busy trying to take photos in the safari since no flash photography was allowed, I had more time to take in the raw experience of being in nature itself. I like the fact that I can enjoy the cool breeze emitting from the rain forest as we ride pass the trees. Basically I didn't feel like I was in some theme park for a moment, but a traveler who wishes to take a look at the animals, to enjoy the trees' shade, to be part of nature. And I like the fact that the safari tried to convey the message of saving the earth and nature to the public. Even if most people don't really bother about such messages, at least the effort was done to make the change.

Alright, I shall end my entry from here. No amount of words can describe one's experience in a place. Somethings need to be experienced by oneself in order to get a better assessment of it. But I believe that the zoo would be better improved by the presence of 2 pandas next year and a new waterway theme coming up next year too. Shall look forward to the changes then.

2011-05-18T15:22:00.064+08:00

Alright, let me attempt to do a recount of my Taiwan grad trip with fellow friends CY, FY and YR, which has ended since yesterday while my memory is still fresh.

Overall, I'm happy to say that everything went smoothly and according to plan. I suppose doing all those research and planning is really worth it. We were able to enjoy a relaxing (to some extent slacking) trip there, doing the things we want to do, such as excessive clothes shoppng in Taipei at our own time. Am also glad that our accomodation were pretty comfortable and relatively easy to find. I love the Little Prince Mingsu at Hualien the most since we kind of own the whole building (4 levels) to ourselves since we were the only people staying in the room for the 2 nights there. Our room was on the 3rd level, so we had to climb quite a bit to use the toilet. The place was super spacious and prettily decorated. Would have recommended Little Prince to people thinking of staying in mingsu in Hualien. The cost was about S$26 per person per night. With that, I shall go on with my day to day experience and the hightlights of my 9 days in TW.

First up, we have checked into Tomato Room at Taichung (est S$17 per night) upon our arrival. We have taken the HSR train from Tao Yuan to Taichung, which in my opinion was really comfy. The trip took about less than 1 hr. Just that the transport fee is pretty high (S$23). If you don't mind the price, it is quite worth it to take the HSR to travel across the TW provinces. The best part about Tomato Room is that it is very near to Fengjia night market. I would highly recommend people to shop there because the prices of clothes (most of them are koreanish - floral and laces) are on average cheaper than those night markets in Taipei. I didn't get to bargain much because the prices were pretty standard. I love the chicken fillet, the bubble tea as well as the papaya milkshake which I have tried at the night market. A thing to note is to beware of buying cheap backpack which would spoil on the next day of purchase (CY has sacrifised her money and proven that it's really not worth the money to buy the NT$100 backpack there).

HSR Train

Inside HSR Train (big, comfy seats)

Tomato Room =)

Fenjia Night Market

On the 2nd day, we have travelled to the famous Ri Yue Tan (Sun Moon Lake) on our close to 2 hrs travel from the mingsu on bus. At Sun Moon Lake, I would highy recommend people to go to Wen Wu Miao (temple). The scenery up on the hill in front of the temple is spectacular. We have taken boat rides to reach the different tourist sites around the lake. We didn't spend a lot of time at each site because our plan is to go to as many different sites as possible. We went to Yi Da Shao, which I would think it's good for people to have a quick lunch if they don't have time to go to the butterfly garden (like us). Next up, we went to Qing Long Shan to see the temples. A great pity is that we didn't manage to reach the 2nd temple because we were worried that we won't have time to reach there before the next boat scedule, though it was probably possible to go on given that we had about half an hr to spare. I guess we were not gurang enough to try. So we turnt back at 300m into the trail towards the 2nd temple and waited half an hr for the boat. The last site we went was Wen Wu Miao. We have purchase the little prayer charms (not sure what you call the things you hang on the pillars for writing your good wishes). I had made a blunder on that day by giving the bus driver the wrong bus ticket, the one for the journey back to Taichung station instead of to the visitor centre at sun moon lake, which was quite a scare. Fortunately the mistake was rectified by the nice lady at the visitor centre and she helped me print out the right ticket for me to head back to Taichung station eventually (must say that Taiwaneses are really nice and friendly).

Sun Moon Lake

Sun Moon Lake - smallest island in the world

First temple at Qing Long Shan

The furthest point we have walked to on the trail

Sun Moon Lake

Wen Wu Miao

Wen Wu Miao

Prayer Charms hung onto the pillar

Many more prayer charms outside the temple

The scenery seen at the front of the temple

On the 3rd day, we headed towards Little Prince Mingsu at Hualien. Thanks to Felix, we were able to get there from Taipei on the TzeQiang Expresss train, which was quite alright (not as gd as HSR) but one of the better trains offered on the East Coast of TW. The journey took us about 3hrs from Taipei to Hualien. Upon reaching Hualien, the Little Prince sent us a cab for free to pick us up and fetch us straight to the mingsu (I really love their good service). That night, we went to look at fireflies. I didn't take any photos because it was impossible to see the fireflies clearly on camera. All I can share is my experience with the firefies. They are really pretty. They made the whole place look like christmas trees lighted up with little flickering light bulbs. Haha. I suppose there might be more fireflies deeper into the forest but we didn't venture in because there weren't anyone around to bring us on the fireflies walk which they would usually offer on most nights. I guess the recent typhoons at the East coast of TW might have changed a lot of schedules offered to tourists for safety reasons).

Inside Tze Qiang Express train to Hualien

Little Prince Mingsu's common living room!

Our bedroom. =)

On the 4th day, we made our way to Toroko Gorge, a well-known sightseeing tourist location in Hualien. It is really worth the visit because the natural (weathered) features are spectucular. The cab driver told us that about 200 people have sacrifised in the making of the roads linking from Taichung (west cost) to Hualien (east coast) of Taiwan, and the whole road building process took about 4 years to construct. The rocks are gigantic and the water super clear. We have spent the whole of the day there itself because it is a huge place to explore. So, I would highly recommend people to take hire a cab in if they want to explor the whole area or at least take the free shuttle bus. Walking would be really tiring and exhuasting, especially under the hot sun. Luckily for us is that it wasn't raining despite of the weather forcast of heavy rain that day so we were able to see most of the features. However it was really hot, which made FY suffered from a mild heatstroke by evening time. Lastly, we have visited a beach called Qi Xing Tan, which is really pretty. This is a rocky beach which is covered with pebbles (weathered from Taroko Gorges mountains) instead of sand. Quite interesting.

Bridge at Taroko Gorge

Temple to commemorate the 200 + people who died while constructing the roads at Taroko Gorge

Pretty dried up stream at this season (compared to winter season)

Pretty scenery

Clear water

Goddess of Mercy statue on the mountain

Goddess of Mercy Statue

Buddha statue

Rocks forming words below

Rock which looks like a gigantic frog

Qi Xing Tan Beach

Pretty pebbles and rocks on the beach

On the 5th day, we headed towards Yilan for our 1 night farmstay. Before elaborating on our farmstay, I must talk about our experience of watching "3 idiots" via ppstreaming in Little Prince mingsu (another good point of the mingsu - unlimited movies to watch). This Hindi movie is cute and funny. Most of all, I love the hidden message the movie has conveyed with regards to the difference between learning and studying for the sake of grades in university. I thought it's something which a lot of students would be able to connect to. The pressure of having to produce good grades to survive in a competitive society against the innocent pleasure of learning is a common conflict amongst us all. I particularly like a quote in the movie which talks about coaxing your heart to believe that everything would be alright in order to live through the bad times. The heart is indeed a very fragile thing which needs to be reassured from time to time. So "Aal Izz Well" to all you people who are struggling with life's difficulties. Never give up on hope. Never bend down to problems when the going gets tough.

Enough of the movie. Going on, I would talk about our experience at Shangrila. The view was great. That night when we reached the farm, we have the chance to light up the sky lantern carrying our wishes into the sky. We have also played with bubbles, until everyone else has left and that the bubble foam was so diluted that no bubbles would form. Pretty fun. Overall, I would say that the feel at Shangrila Leisure Farm is much different to our other days. It is much more relaxing, with a countryside and rustic kind of lifestyle to it. I suppose breathing in the fresh mountain air, observing the insects and walking in the rain, looking out towards the misty mountains is a unique experience for me. Yes, I didn't get to see the spectacular view from the mountain top during the morning, but I got to experience the mist, the rain and the wind, which is great too. =)

Shangrila Room with a nice view

In a restaurant with a spectacular view

Sky lantern with our wishes written on

Misty morning on the hill

Misty mountain

Pretty butterfly on the window of our room.

On the 6th day, we made our way back to Taipei, where we have checked in Dong Wu hotel near Da Qiao Tou Metro station. I won't be elaborating too much on our time spent in Taipei (for the next 3 days as well) because they were pretty similiar. Most of the time we were shopping for clothes in the night markets and eating from roadside stalls. I think most of you would probably already know that Wu Fen Pu is the best place for girls to go if they want to get cheaper clothes in Taipei. I would suggest that people should spend about 2 days there if the intention is to buy clothes back to S'pore. I think Shilin doesn't offer that much for shoppers looking for cheap stuff. It's more for people to try their local roadside food.

Wu Fen Pu

In particular, we have made a trip down to Jiufen on the 7th day. It was raining quite heavily then which made it slightly inconvenient for us to shop at the tourist shops. But again the rain gives the whole place a more romantic touch to it. Knowing that this place was where "Bei Qing Cheng Shi" (A city of sadness) was filmed, the rain has definitely given this place the appropriate feel which I have always associated it with. The rain has also inspired us to get some hot tea at one of the teahouses there. We drank tea at "Ah Mei Tea House", which was an interesting experience. I suppose tea drinking is really a refine culture. One has to know about the right timing to pour in the hot water for the tea to emit the best taste which is not too strong that it overwhelms your senses. Haha. I think one really should try out one of the teahouse there. It's really very relaxing and fun to drink tea to rejunvate yourself after sometime of travelling up the hill (about 1.5hr) to Jiufen from Taipei.

Jiufen shops

Ah Mei Tea House

Ah Mei Tea House

Me in the tea house

View outside the window close to my seat

Tea making tools

Tea with delicious plums to go with (and tall cup for smelling the frangrance of tea)

I would also like to talk about our hot spring bath experience in Beitou. The overall experience I had was that it was a fun, though it was slightly disappointing because the place was so old, to the extent it was a bit creepy, and that the water was so hot that we kind of have to force ourselves to dip into the water until our skin became adapted to the water's high temperature. Haha. Pretty funny that the 4 of us were like sitting around and encouraging each of us to tolerate that high water temperature for about 15 mins before we were able to dip into it. Maybe this is why the hot spring bath is like cheaper (S$6 per hour). You don't even get to soak in lukewarm water first before the hot water. If I have more money next time, I think I would try the more expensive hot spring baths offered there. That is after I start working and start saving a lot of money first. Am so very poor after all the travelling for the past few years. Sobx.

Hot water flowing in stream

Hot water flowing in stream

Cool library in Beitou

Hot spring museum

Our cheap hot spring bath in an ancient looking hotel

Last but not least, I'll briefly mention about the Toilet theme restaurant we have visited on our last day in Taiwan at Ximengding. For this restaurant, I think the food is quite average. I suppose the deco is the main drawing factor for patrons visit, as can seen from the photos below.

Ximending

Toilet theme restaurant

Deco of restaurant

Seats and tables made of toilet bowls and sinks

Servets for drawing =)

Gigantic ice-cream which I have ordered by mistake

Alright, I shall stop here for my TW grad trip blog entry. I wish I could upload more photos to this entry but it will disrupt the alignment. I don't think I want to redo all the alignment because it will take too much of my time. Maybe I will create another blog post if I wish to add in more photos. If not, to friends who wish to look at all the photos, just refer to my FB albums. I have already uploaded all the photos I have.

2011-05-06T16:44:00.003+08:00

Ok. Here's my last blog entry before I leave for Taiwan on this coming Sunday morning. Shall be taking a 7.10am flight (super early) via Jetstar. Will only be back on the 17th of May. I seriously pray that there will be no natural disaster during our time there (please no EQ, tolong).

After so much planning and research and all, I hope that things will go quite smoothly. There's a rather heavy responsibility and burden for this trip on my part since I've done most of the research and planning. But I also want to enjoy and have fun. So please no major screw-ups (pray very very hard).

I shall be busy tomorrow. Need to settle final details on the trip, need to cast my vote for election (still deciding..), need to spend a night with family for dinner (pre Mothers' Day celebration) before I fly, need to do final packing and want to watch the results of the election. Ahhh. Okie. I can do it! Don't panick.

May the trip be a safe and enjoyable one for us. Bye for now, till I'm back. =)

2011-04-30T13:30:00.008+08:00

I've been to the Workers' Party's Rally for Aljunied GRC last night and I was impressed with the debate presented on the side of the opposition. I am still deciding on which side I should vote for. It feels like my choice hinges upon my decision on whether an alternative governance is more appealing to me or whether I should trust the old governance to help us cope with the difficulties we face from problems outside of Singapore.

I suppose it is really tempting to believe that changes will bring about an improvement which is never thought of, never before dreamt. It is true that people are afriad of changes, afraid that changes may lead to an even worse scenerio. But it is also in change itself, in having the courage to change, which presents an opportunity for improvement to take place. Should a chance to given for a change to occur? Are we ready to face the conseqences, be it good or bad, that the change will lead to? Defintely this is a great chance for a change to occur, for a "mistake" to be made, for us to take a leap of faith into our dreams for a better and improved governance. But how many of us are daring enough to take the step? I don't know.

For myself, I am not against giving others a chance to prove themselves in the Singapore's politics that they are capable. It's not against the dominant political party that I give the others a chance, it's against the system of political dominance which I made that statement. To be honest, would you rather be in a situation of being powerless because of your dependence on a party or would you rather be somewhat powerful in choosing a party which depends on you to get into the stifling political system? I don't think I need to elaborate on how scary it is to be in a situation of having to be too dependent on anyone, on any political party in this context.

2011-04-28T17:31:00.005+08:00

Sometimes, I suppose even if you don't want to get into the politics, there's no way you can run away from it. Because running away makes you feel like you have not even given a sound thought as to why you should not be choosing a certain stand, philosophy or ideology which would very much make a difference to your life, to the country.

But from my perspective, what I see when I read on the papers regarding the Singapore's election is that there are people out there who are passionate about Singapore but are contesting against each other in different teams. I don't suppose it is possible that people can actually work together to produce a even better society when there are some fundamental issues which make them choose a different side.

So for the opposition, it's like even if they have the best interest for Singapore, their interest may never actualized into actions if they don't get a breakthrough from the PAP's stronghold. Then on what purpose does the opposition serve in Singapore? Perhaps their greatest achievement is in standing against the dominant political power, to proclaim that there are other people who care for the growth of Singapore and that PAP better do a good job in structuring Singapore.

In my opinion, PAP needs an opposition in order to grow, to be better at policies making, and the stronger the opposition the better. Applying the concept that competition makes a person better in the education arena, same thing goes for the politics as well. I'm not so sure if Singaporeans are comfortable with a change in the political structure we have lived through for at least 2 generations. My gut feeling is that a change would probably occur if the time calls for it, though unlikely to happen in the short term. Perhaps the change will come when PAP no longer hold its strength in protecting people's interest with a newer batch of elistist young candidates who despite being educated, are not compasssionate enough to care for society at large. It is just my personal fear that PAP being too good in their rule may fail to produce even better people for future rule (as younger batch of people depend on the seniors and hence do not grow on their own).

With that much said, I will make my choice in the voting on next Saturday before I fly to Taiwan the following day. No matter which side wins, the real victory will only happen if Singapore continue to grow without leaving behind anyone in its success. For I don't believe that a society can truly grow if its people do not learn to be compassionate towards those less fortunate.

2011-04-25T13:23:00.002+08:00

From now to the time I get a job, I want to:

1) Exercise at least twice every week
2) Read newspaper everyday
3) Finish the recommended books I intend to read
4) Finish reading the stack of newsweek magazines in my book case
5) Continue research for TW trip

So many things to keep me occupied till the day I got my job. Yet, I wish to maintain the habit of exercising and reading even after I start working. If only a person has an unlimited amount of time to do what he or she wants to do. Or maybe it is possible to squeeze out time by shortening sleeping hours. It's all in a matter of choice and determination.

PS: Music can be a source of inspiration and guidance to one's life. Listening to "Xing Kong - SYF CO piece" and "One night in Beijing", I was taught to be strong in life, and to hold on to love. There's sadness, but strength and love will make one see through it all.

2011-04-12T14:29:00.003+08:00

Yesterday I have kind of attended my last lesson in NUS with the recording of vehicles at Loyang Way bus stop since 8.30am in the morning. It's quite a way to end my NUS life. Probably I have expected to end it with a last seminar in school itself. But nevertheless, I am glad to have lived the spirit of being a true Geographer till the last lesson, which is to do weird stuff in the name of Geography research. It is true.

Which major in NUS requires you to sit at a bus stop for 2 hours just to record the type of vehicles which pass by? Which major requires you to inspect the area around construction site so as to test the amount of pollution generated by construction activities (making you look highly suspicious to foreign workers in the construction site). Which major requires you to be at a oil palm plantation,and eating lunch together with your friends and the flies (occasionally eating in the rain)? I suppose those who have taken Geography would know the answers to my questions very very well.

I will definitely miss Geography and will definitely miss the friends I have made in the Geography department. I will miss the days of complaining about how ridiculous the assignments were, how Geography has turnt out to be quite different from what we have expected and about how little we have seem to learn from it. Yet, despite all the flaws, I definitely love Geography for giving us all the opportunities to do weird stuff together, for giving us all the chance to have known each other so dearly through the interactions and fun. I will never forget the times I've spent in FS (Thailand), in JB or even just having lessons in NUS. I wish I can carry with me always the Geographer spirit of not being afraid to try, not being afraid of change and doing things which is deem good for the society or the environment even if the attempt may seem so feeble or even foolish.

Am counting to the days I will be in NUS. Am starting to feel the end of the wonderful days spent in NUS which I have taken granted for. Whenever I go back to school now, it feels like it may be the last time I'm looking at the things I am looking at, the last time I am breathing the air in NUS. My NUS life is an important part of my life. Have learnt so much about people, as well as about myself in these 4years. It's true that my NUS days may be ending, yet the memories of it will stay on in my heart forever. And the people I have known in NUS and have loved with my heart will stay in my heart always, without a doubt.

And so, may the heaven bless us no matter where we go in the next stage of our lives. I'm not saying goodbye. All I'll say is good luck and may you all be happy always. May we meet again. =)

2011-04-12T00:34:00.003+08:00

There is perhaps a belief in this world which goes like if everyone can practice doing things that is less for me and more for you, it will make the world a better place for all. I think selfishness is something we don't really want to have an excess of in this world. But then again how can one be sure that one can be absolutely not selfish? Cause it's like when you are not selfish to one person, you may in turn be selfish to another person. And then it's like when you think you are not selfish to people, you can actually be deem selfish because you did not do what the others expect you to.

But at the end of the day, I suppose people just do the things they think they have to do, selfish or not. I don't suppose that people won't be hurt just because you make it a point not to hurt them. People are just different and you will never know what they think or feel, neither can you impose any sort of thoughts or feelings on them if they are never meant to see it from your point of view.

So what will be will be. Those who will stay will stay and those who are not meant to stay will leave. It will be sad. But that's how it is with life anyway.

2011-04-10T18:51:00.002+08:00

The rain has stopped. Today my feeling is like the rain. Sometimes, when you're feeling really down, it feels as if nothing in the world can cheer you up. Even if you have a million reasons why you shouldn't be doing the things which you have done, somehow you just have to do it. And then you have to live with the consquence of it, whether you like it or not.

I guess somehow, it is true that nobody truly understands the suffering someone else is going though, and that it is also true that sometimes there is just simply no one there for you when you are most depress. I suppose this fact is a bit hard to swallow, but we all have to accept this truth one way or another. It is truly not easy living a life we all live and it is also not easy convincing yourself that you are not at fault for what has happened. It's also not easy trying to understand why you are living such a hard life, even when everyone else may think otherwise.

PS: Sometimes when you thought you have found the only hand in this world which will save you from destruction, you realise that the hand is nothing but your own illusion. Even when you know at the end of the day, there's only you who can save yourself, you somehow cannot stop hoping that maybe you will get some sort of help or support from those around. Yet, the truth will always prevail, leaving nothing but hurt for having such naive illusion in the first place.

2011-04-02T16:17:00.010+08:00

Let me take a break after rushing through my group's write-up and PowerPoint slides. Somehow, a group work has become the burden of the 3 year 4 students because we are supposed to be free after HT submission. It's not that I want to complain about helping out the busy year 3s, but seriously I feel exhausted about having to do the bulk of work because people think you have the time to do so. You understand the feeling of being partially abused? The tone of asking me to help is not even friendly. It's quite sad.

And so I am in school from 12pm till now, cause I was rushing to produce work so that people can do their minimum share by tomorrow and submit by Monday. Apart from work, I have been involved in meeting up with friends, hunting for job (not quite) and also planning for grad trip (stagnant since a few weeks ago). I know it sounds ridiculous to count myself as tired for being involved in all the things I've mentioned. But to some extent it is tiring to juggle with so many things happening all at once, many of which fall down onto my part for organising and making the deal. I truly wish I have more help in some of the things I am doing. But who can I blame for wanting to have meet-ups with people before I graduate, just in case I disappear in the years to come as I start working.

You truly won't know what will happen in the future. I don't want to pretend like things will stay as it is forever. For me, it is now that matters. It must be lived without any regrets. It must be spent with people who are important in my life. That's how I look at it. Even if the relationship or friendship should fade with time, I guess it is enough for me to look back with a smile for having spent the happy days with those of whom I treasure at that point in time. And if you ask me to choose between people and work, I should think that I kind of prioritise people before work (or self for that matter).

PS: I suppose I can be like a machine, to work and lose touch with people. But that is not the kind of life which I seek, and that is not healthy for my personal well-being either. I can only wish that I will not sacrifice what is important in my life to work after graduation...

2011-03-30T13:36:00.002+08:00

It doesn't matter anymore. Even if it hurts, just let it be. It's a consquence which I can bear. It's a choice which I have made. Even if it hurts me, it doesn't matter.....

2011-03-27T12:45:00.002+08:00

人真的没有我想象的简单. 单纯的我不常看到人心黑暗的一面. 或许越是懂得对容易感到伤感的我并非是一件好事. 我没有那看破红尘,一笑而过的胸襟. 忧愁的我只会感叹为何人如此复杂, 那么可悲.... 我想这就是傻瓜与智者的区别.

2011-03-26T13:23:00.003+08:00

今天是个特别的日子. 我将以一位台下的观众去支持华乐的朋友们. 脑海里一直浮现着和朋友们同台表演的画面以及表演前夕的互动. 仿佛一切都才刚发生不久. 但那已是一年前的事了. 我相信当我在观看演出时, 必定会有那股想参与的冲动. 我深深的怀念着我在华乐的日子. 但我知道一切已变成了一段美丽与刻骨的回忆. 那埋藏在心里的过往.

我希望我的朋友们有一段精彩的演出, 更要珍惜过程. 请你们给那已离开华乐的我及其他热爱华乐的人一份真诚的感动. 祝你们演出是完美, 是成功的. 加油! =)

2011-03-22T23:51:00.003+08:00

I was back in Singapore yesterday from my 4 days 3 nights stay in Malaysia, Johor Bahru for my last module called Topics in Geography.

Overall, I had great fun in the trip although I also had a severe diarrhea on the 2nd day of my stay there, probably due to food poisoning. The experience of being sick on a school trip was super horrible. Half the time, I was worried that I may cause trouble to people around me. But fortunately there was my TA and a friend who are kind and helpful to me by accompanying me to see a doctor. I got better on the 3rd day, which is great. If not I would have miss out the fun at the carnival.

The trip to Malaysia had a FS feel to it. I almost felt like I was back on a FS trip once again. Am happy to grow closer to my good FS friends who went on this trip. Am also glad to have made new friends with the friendly year 3s. During the 3rd night, I remember I was commenting to JQ on how sad it would be if this is going to be the last overseas trip for us all. I guess there will always be an end to whatever that is good and wonderful. But at least I know for sure that the happy and fond memories of the time spent together with my dear friends will stay on with me always. I shall miss them greatly after I graduate. Can only hope that we will meet up somehow, although I know it is going to be tough when everyone of us gets busy with work... Oh well, am starting to feel emo again. Sigh. Maybe I shall leave the rest of it to my graduation post next time.

Alright, I shall end here for now. Hope FB is working cause I need to obtain some stuff from there....

2011-03-07T22:55:00.006+08:00

Went to the P&G recruitment talk this evening. Although I don't think I'm suitable for the job, the talk is inspiring. I particularly like the section which teaches us on how to be a successful person. To be successful, one needs to find one's talent and match it with a passion. It's not the first time I know about this formula, but this gives me a real good reminder as I'm trying to find my first job.

Just what is my talent? And what is my passion? I guess I've never truly reflect on it or try to find the answer. For me, these 2 just seem to keep changing with the years, with the change in environment. But I thought I should have some idea of what my talent and passion is at this point in time, so I know where I should work on to secure success in the future. Perhaps I'll use a lifetime to find out, but if I do, I will be a happy person at the end of the day. So I must be far-sighted, must not be afraid of starting low and tough, and must persevere until that goal is attained. Must be determined!

PS: I want to be emotionally strong and to be independent. I think I have grown a bit these few years because I can take negative things with a more open heart, which would have otherwise affected me a lot in the past. For that, I have my friends and family to be thankful for. It would have been impossible without all your support. =)

2011-03-06T22:56:00.005+08:00

Soon, it will be 1 week after my HT submission date. Went to collect my hard cover HT books yesterday and discovered today that there's already typo in the cover page. Cui to the max! Somehow, I know there are many things which I haven't done well. But there's nothing I can do now. Can only look forward and not lament about the past, about the time wasted which would never come back ever.

So what have I been doing these few days? I guess I have been spending a lot of time sleeping, meeting up with friends and playing with my 2 adorable bunnies. Speaking of which, today is their 4 months' old birthday. Haha. Which explains why Di Di was behaving strangely, trying to mount on Yuan Yuan and irritating her. I think it's soon that we get them both neutered and sprayed. I suppose it would hurt, but I think it's the best for them. Really hope the both of them will not have any conflict again.

So what are my plans for now? I shall be working hard to get a job after graduation. I shall be busy with graduation trip planning too. I'm not sure if I'll get the part-time job at the zoo and Jurong Bird Park but I guess it is quite difficult for me to get that job since I'm only available for 2 months. Though I really wish to be a bird keeper, even if it's just 2 months. I think it would be super fun! Haha. Shall see how it goes. Am attending 3 recruitment talks next week so that means I'll be going to school frequently. Sigh. Alright, I shall not grumble. Perhaps I'll miss going to school one day after I graduate so why not treasure the remaining days from now on.

Have already thought of a heartfelt blog entry before my graduation. I have so much to say, so much memories of NUS. But I'll wait for that day to come before I comment. So until then...

PS: 惟有懂得放下才能得到解脱与快乐.

2011-03-03T15:40:00.004+08:00

Went to watch Black Swan with mum yesterday night. I don't think she enjoyed watching the movie. She said there's no meaning in showing all the sexual scenes in the movie. Well, for me, I think I can appreciate the movie a little better because I kind of understand how Nina felt; with all the suppressed negative feelings consuming her as she unleashed them all when performing the role of Black Swan. I thought maybe people with a certain darkness in their heart will feel a greater impact after watching the movie.

Overall, I guess I was a little less surprised about the story since I already knew it before I went to watch it. But I still find the story intriguing. I like the way this movie has portrayed a person's insecurity is so destructive that in the end it takes away the person's life. But in death, she has found perfection and hence ended her insecurity. It's sad, but I guess it happens in life. I suppose most of us know how this feeling of insecurity and wanting to get what you most desire can hurt, can kill in some cases if you are not able to pull yourself back from the darkness in your heart.

What is the darkness in your heart? I know what is mine. I know that it has always been there, in that corner, threatening to take over me at times. I knew it since I was young. Like a shadow, it has always followed me. I don't suppose it will go away. I don't think I can avoid it, or escape from it. I can only hope to not be consumed by it. And I know I must not be alone too often, thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about, because this is when that shadow will start to have an impact on me.

I don't suppose many of you know the darkness which I am talking about. But it's a good thing, to not be too comfortable with it, because it may consume you if you don't know how to get out of it, like what happened to Nina in Black Swan.

2011-02-25T18:10:00.007+08:00

Am stopping from HT for awhile because I need a break. I need to stop and recharge before I continue my work tonight. I am aiming to finish my last empirical chapter by tonight, leaving me with 2 more days to edit and finish up with my reference page and appendix.

I can sense the completion of my HT. It has been an awfully long and enduring piece of academic work in my uni life (that's what it is about anyway). I can feel that it is coming to an end and that I may no longer have to think about it every day. I can imagine submitting that piece of work which I am doing now, can imagine how the final product will look like. The only thing which is lacking is the amount of data in my HT, but it's not something which I can rectify at this moment. It's my only regret for my HT. Other than that, I think I've already done what I can do. The rest of it I shall leave it to the profs to judge.

As my HT is approaching to an end, I am reminded of how I have first started it. I think this quote which I have come across reflects the main purpose of my HT.

The fact is that to do anything that is worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can (Robert Cushing).

I think I have accomplished this motto which I have started out my HT with. Even if the results is bad, I can at least feel happy that I have never given up on my goal to study on something that can help in creating a better world, even if the step taken is so very small.

With that, I shall go on with the fight till next Monday.

2011-02-23T11:43:00.004+08:00

Am still collecting data for my HT even when the submission deadline is just 5 days away. The progress for data collection has been going on well. I guess the pressure to call has pushed away my excessive concerns about the trouble I would be imposing on those people who will make a difference to my research. Will be calling another 3 more people or so to make my interviewees number to 10 (the number is pathetic, but the info I have gained is unmeasurable).

Calling people up is mentally draining for me, especially when I am asking for a favour from the people I have called. Bothering people is something which I am doing against my will, especially when I know somehow they will not benefit anything directly from participating in my research. I hope my research can somehow benefit them at some point in time in the future, but that would depend on how well I have researched and written on it. Still trying my best. Time is running out......

Shall attempt to call the people again. Hope they will have time to spare in their busy schedule. 5 more days to go........ Need to persevere.

2011-02-12T19:33:00.004+08:00

I wish I'm at home now playing with my 2 bunnies. If not for the need to do my HT, I wouldn't have bothered coming to school everyday this week. I hope I'm not losing my momentum to churn out something useful for my HT because there are now offically 16 more days to the submission.

OMG....... SIGH.........

PS: Secretly wish to stay overnight in school tomorrow since I need to be at Bukit Timah by 8.20am on Monday. But I guess there'll be people using Honours Room tomorrow (like our top student from Geo). Then I'll have no place to stay over. Sad.

2011-01-31T17:11:00.003+08:00

Today I've experienced a traumatising event in the morning. As I was walking towards the 95 bus stop, I've stepped into a puddle of water and fell right on my right front tooth. It was chipped off more than half of the tooth right on the spot. So I immediately went to the NUH Dental center to fix my tooth. Although I did not experience any pain from any nerve infection, but the whole incident left me quite frightened off. I kept crying when I reached the clinic cause I was still in great shock after what has happened.

My tooth is fixed already. But the feeling of having a "fake" tooth is still weird. I'm not eating a lot to avoid biting on that tooth. I really really hope that there won't be any complications such as the nerve being affected because of the trauma to my tooth. I really hope that I will not meet with any more accidents like what I've experienced today.

2011-01-28T15:49:00.003+08:00

I hope those people who have helped me in my HT do not come into any kind of trouble for referring me to someone else who might be very busy to entertain me in my research. I don't want to be the cause of someone's misery because of the help they gave me. Can the working environment be less political and more forgiving?

Am becoming like a spy or a telemarketer due to the nature of my HT. Am becoming an irritating person, something I have most hated about but had to go along with it because of the nature of the topic. I hate to bother people, especially people who have helped me. But I guess I am too careless and blur that I always have to call the same people again to clarify things.

With this month coming to an end soon, I desperately need more luck in data collection. I need to stop making blunders. I wish my HT is not screwed up.

2011-01-17T22:12:00.002+08:00

I'm 23 years old since yesterday. I wanna say a special thanks to my dear friends CY, Doris, Celia, FY, GP, KL, SH, YR and ZM for giving me a surprise celebration at my home yesterday. It was a really touching and memorable celebration for me. Totally didn't expect you all to visit me. Thanks a lot. =)

Am also very thankful to my mum and bro for the food, cake and drinks. Thank you for giving me a wonderful birthday, as always. =)

Lastly, thank you to all my friends who have wished me on FB and sms. =)

Thank you all once again and may the good luck and happiness be with you all. =)

2011-01-02T21:58:00.010+08:00

Hello everyone. Let me start my first blog of 2011 with how I have spent the last day of 2010.

The last day of 2010 was mixed with happy and bad experience. The happy experience was meeting up with friends, both the NUSCO people as well as my dear sec school clique. On that day, I have met up with NUSCO peeps at the Singapore Botanic Garden to have picnic, some games and lots of photo-shooting session. We have also celebrated JF's belated 21st birthday on that day. Supposed to celebrate with Mun Mun too but she couldn't come as she was going overseas that day. Anyway Happy Birthday to JF and hope you like the present we gave you. Must take lots of photos with your new polarid camera. =)

Overall, it was a fun experience at the Botanic Garden despite of the rain. I think we caught a lot of attention having 2 pro photographers with us as well as the high tech cameras and cool gadgets to take really nice photos. Haha. The Singapore Botanic Garden is really a nice place to take wedding photos in. The scenery is nice, especially at the white pavilion which ET calls it the "白色巨塔'. We saw a few couples taking their wedding shots there on that day despite of the rain. Makes me have the urge to want to get married too. Haha. But I know that will take some more years for me, so I shall wait for that day to come. =P

The girls photo

Me and JF with the white pavilion as backdrop

Me and KY in one of the few photos with ET in it

The 2 whistlers. =)

We left the place in the evening to meet up with sec school clique at Bedok Point for dinner. We reached there late, sorry to Si Yi and Chui and thanks for helping us to get table at Sushi Teh. Dinner was awesome. We have ordered $8+ per person worth of side dishes with sushi, pino and eclairs. Haha. Then we had our belated xmas gift exchange before heading to my house.

Upon reaching my house, mum told me that Di Di had injured his leg, which has really scared me. I still don't know how he has injured his leg, but we have brought him to the vet yesterday (many thanks to KY for helping us make the appointment at her vet clinic). I hope he will recover soon. So in the end this incident sort of affected my mood a bit that night. But after some card games and HTHT with Chui and SH who stayed overnight at my house, I was feeling slightly better.

On the next morning, Shanyu joined us for Mac breakfast. After which, we went back to my house for some more chatting session as well as random shots before we parted in about afternoon. Somehow, I'm still quite in a festive mood although I will be going to school tomorrow to meet my prof and continue with my HT. I really really hope there won't be any serious problem with my HT. I guess my prof is too nice to really point out all the flaws in my HT although I seriously think I'm not up to the standard given what I've accomplished so far. But what is done is done and I cannot chase back the time which has passed. So I only hope to get back the momentum to work soon.

That's all for now. I wish Di Di will recover soon and I hope this year will be a great year for all of us. =)

2010-12-30T23:23:00.004+08:00

Ok. Here come the very emotional and heartfelt reflection for my end of the year blog entry.

2010 for me is a year which I have learnt a lot. It is a year which I have learnt to deal with all the ups and downs in life, a year which I realised that life is about learning to deal with all that is bad in life, so that I am able to deal with anything that is negative with a more open heart and mature attitude. I believe that I'm still in the process of learning to cope with the downside of life, but I believe I am at a better stage of dealing with the negative events in life than before 2010.

Although I'm not very sure if I can ever forgive some people for hurting me the way they did, but at least I am able to let go. I will let the past friendship with these people end with this year and I'll say goodbye forever, because I know in my heart that things have changed and people have changed. Though I feel sad that it has to end up this way, but it's just part of something that is meant to be. Just as some people come and go in different phases of our life. So there's nothing to be too upset about. It happens. And those who go will be forgotten as time pass, with new people (and animals) who have entered our lives to be treasured (not forgetting my 2 cute bunnies!!).

I hope in 2011, I will have less regrets than in 2010. Hope I'll carry with me the lessons learnt in 2010 to 2011, so that I can be a better person, a person who is both emotionally and psychologically stronger. With that, I wish everyone a happy 2011. May we all have lots of luck in 2011 and that we will be with those we love for another year ahead, as well as the years to come. =)

PS: Life is like a tree. The people you meet in life is like the leaves on the trees, whereby some will fall off and new ones will grow. Family is like the roots and the trunk of the tree, which gives me the strength to live my life and accompany me in the process of seeing the leaves shed and grow. Am grateful to my family for everything. =)

2010-12-27T16:34:00.003+08:00

It's a monday evening. My bunnies are having their afternoon till evening nap. Haha. I realise they always nap around this time. Must be the 'after eating a lot of dried food' effect'. Watching them nap makes me feel sleepy too. But the need to work on HT makes me feel too guilty to rest like how I did in the past few weeks. So I shall attempt to work on something to ease a bit of the guilt and pressure which is mounting on me as the days pass by.

It's 3rd day since the bunnies are at my house. I found out that the bunnies eat a lot. And they like to burrow and destroy the bunny park which my mum has made for them. Haha. They are pretty active when they're awake and outside of their cage. This afternoon, di di just pee-ed on my pants. I was just sitting there close to him and he jumped onto my legs and pee-ed on my pants. Maybe the cloth is too tempting for him. Hope he doesn't do that too often else I would have more clothes to wash. Or maybe I should change to wearing shorts at home more often next time (but that means he'll pee on my legs, i dunno).

Am at the last week of the year. Can feel the new year coming. The next time I blog, I think I'll be blogging about my reflection for this year, to do an ending year blog post like what I'll always do at the end of every year. I have lots to say to wrap up this year and to welcome the next. I already have some ideas on what I'll be blogging. But that will come on perhaps Thursday night. When the feeling is right. So until then. =)

2010-12-25T12:38:00.000+08:00

Wishing all a Merry Merry Xmas! =)

2010-12-24T11:54:00.003+08:00

Am expecting bunnies at home today. Haha. I think they really have brought me lots of luck and happiness at this time when I most needed it. I can feel myself feeling better and that my HT is getting a bit of progress day by day.

Yes, it is true that I'm far from reaching the end, that desired result for HT, but I'm not giving it up. Rather, I'm doing what I enjoy doing most, which is contacting people and arranging for meet-ups at different companies. The hardest part is to wait for reply. I really hope some of them will reply me soon. Not only that, the hard part in my research is to find out how exactly to get to the companies. The locations are all at the "far west" of Singapore (Tuas, LCK), places where I'm so unfamiliar with. So I shall trust the street directory on this (don't fail me kkz). Or else worse come to worse I'll have to spend another sum of money on cab fee (please don't let me spend any more money, am so poor already).

I must never forget that there's fun and joy to be experienced in this research which I have chosen. Though the write-up and literature part for HT is tough, but let me just push myself a bit forward on the data collecting part, though I probably have at the most 3 weeks for this then I must get back to the serious stuff since submission is on Feb. From now on, I need to continue my method of doing a bit of HT everyday, so I don't push everything to the last few weeks.

PS: Instead of blaming yourself for everything, why not take a step at a time to make that change from now? Between need and want, it's time to set the priorities right. May I have the luck to make it through. =)

2010-12-22T13:29:00.002+08:00

I guess trouble don't come alone sometimes. Just after taking medicine for my wisdom tooth extraction surgery, I'm suffering from gastric problems due to gastric reaction to the medicine prescribed by the dentist. So I'm taking new medicines now after I've just completed my medicine from the dental clinic. Just when can I fully recover? Am so sick of not being able to eat a proper meal, of not having any appetite every day, of having to eat medicines everyday.

Time is slipping away from me. I can feel the days going by without me doing anything constructive to my HT. Because of my health condition, I don't think I can even go out to interview people. And so I'm just stuck at home, sleeping and resting because I'm feeling so sick all this time. Worse still, I think I might not even be able to meet my friends in this last 2 weeks of holiday. Sigh. Just let me recover already. Seriously. I don't want to cause my mum's headache for having to take care of me anymore. And the bunnies are coming to my house in about 2 days' time. I need to be well so I can take care of them.

Guess I will do some typing and perhaps emailing if I'm not feeling that sick later. Please let me recover soon.

2010-12-21T12:07:00.003+08:00

Have gotten my results today. I should be thankful that my results aren't as bad as I would have expected. Yet, I did get a B- and it pulled my cap closer to that 3.5 border. Now all pressure is on my HT because it is worth about 3 modules. But given what I have achieved this holiday, I am really worried that I might not be performing well for it.

I know worrying will not get me anywhere if I don't try to get things done. I thought whatever it is, I must try to push myself to do a little everyday so that I don't completely avoid it or ignore it, which was what I sort of ended up doing last week.

Yes I'm upset, disappointed, stressed up with school, feeling sick and nauseous after surgery. So if I do happen to upset anyone with my bad mood, please forgive me. Am not in my best condition. But do give me some time to recover from all the negative feelings. Hope I will be fine soon. Don't worry about me. =)

PS: Have stumbled upon this song called Memories by Within Temptation. Think it's a very nice song depicting the sadness of losing the one you love but remembering the person and keeping the person in your heart forever. Although I have not lost any of those whom I've loved in my life, which I'm glad that I have not gone through such an experience, I thought I'll just share this song with everyone. Hope that those who have lost someone dear will recover from the pain and live on with fond memories.

2010-12-17T17:15:00.010+08:00

I am in the process of recovering from my wisdom tooth extraction yesterday. The surgery experience was quite scary. The process was not exactly painful. But I felt very uncomfortable as half of my mouth was numb due to anesthesia and I could feel the dentist hammering and drilling. I hope I didn't scare you people. I had to undergo a surgery because my wisdom tooth is impacted, meaning it's half embedded in my lower jaw gum. That's why the process to take it out is scarier. Think I've lost quite a bit of blood yesterday. My gum still feels numb and swollen. I hope it will recover soon. If not, I guess I would miss a lot of gatherings in the last 2 weeks of this month. Anyway I'm really thankful to my mum for taking care of me and accompanying me to the clinic. Without her, I think I will be in a worse state than I am. Thank very much!

Things have been quite bad for me recently. Beside the scary experience of the wisdom tooth extraction, I'm having problems proceeding with my HT. Am getting stuck with it because I am starting to lose focus on what it is I'm doing. With the weeks passing by, I can only hope I will be able to resolve the problem and carry on with work on HT. Talking about this reminds me that I'll be getting back my results next week. How horrible. I know I won't do well but I really really hope I don't hit the B- range....

If there's anything I am looking forward to, it's in meeting up with friends (I hope I still can given the condition I am in) and also in getting the 2 bunnies at home next week. I went down with bro and his gf on Wed to take a look and we have decided to get the 2 bunny siblings I was talking about in my previous entry. They are absolutely cute! Haha. I can't wait to have them in my house. At first my bro was saying that we should get other bunnies if we really want to breed them. But the moment we stepped into the groomer's house, we saw the 2 siblings and took a liking to them. Haha. Maybe it's fated. I was quite happy to see them there because I thought someone might have already bought them before us. Anyway, I shall post the picture of them here for you all to have a look. =)

The photos are taken at the groomer's house.

Sister bunny

Brother bunny

2010-12-10T14:58:00.003+08:00

Sometimes life can be quite surprising. I may be expecting not 1, but 2 bunnies this month. I guess somehow my enthusiasm plus my bro's gf's interest in keeping bunnies has made the dream of having new pets at home a reality soon. My bro, his gf and I will be going down to the rabbit groomer's house this coming Wednesday to look at the rabbits. But we won't be getting them on Wednesday because we need to change the house furniture so as to free up space in the living room to place the rabbit cage.

So exciting! But I must make sure that I'm able to commit and take care of the bunnies, even if they do outgrow their initial cuteness after a few years. Even then, I must be prepared for the sadness that comes the day the pets pass away. Ever since I've experienced the pain of losing my 2 pet chickens when I was younger, I always had the fear of having to go through it all over again. But somehow, maybe it is time to let go of the past and welcome the new pets after such a long time of not having any pets at home (about 10 years).

Keeping a pet at home really requires a lot of time and effort. I don't want to be a lousy pet owner. So that means keeping my promise to wake up earlier everyday to clean the bunnies and play with them if we do decided to keep them after our first visit to the groomer's house. If we have the bunnies at home, my bro's gf will probably come to my house more often to visit and play with them (so the house will be livelier?).

Oh, I forgot to explain why I would be expecting 2 bunnies instead of 1. Cause from all the photos, I took a liking to 1 female bunny while my bro's gf took a liking to that bunny's bro (male bunny). So that makes more sense to have 2 bunnies (so we don't separate the bunny siblings and that they can have some company since bunnies are social animals). Ya. I shall post their photos up here if we are sure of keeping them at home after Wednesday's visit. =)

2010-12-06T00:25:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, life can be quite a disappointment.

2010-12-05T00:47:00.004+08:00

Need to start working on HT. Cannot procrastinate anymore. Must not be afriad of that 12k words. Must not be lazy to contact more people for interviews. Must start planning on the outline and the questions for the interviews tomorrow.

Mum in returning home from M'sia soon. =)

2010-11-30T23:31:00.004+08:00

It's over... My exams for this semester are over. Yet I don't feel happy at all. Because I know that I won't do well for the papers. But what is there left to say and do except to hope for the best. Although I badly need to get away from anymore B-s, I thought that if I could at least score B-s I should be thankful.

It's quite upsetting to see how this 1 year will go to waste like that because I wasn't able to push myself beyond what I can do. Though I don't regret going on into the 4th year because I'm happy to have made new friendships with the honours class people, I am only very sorry to my parents for wasting their money on me. I'm sorry for being useless but I really cannot go beyond who I am. Sorry. I guess somehow I will be punished mentally and emotionally even if I know they won't really blame me for anything.

I guess the only thing I can do now is to not screw up my HT even more. I shall work on it once I feel more settled down from exams failure.

2010-11-27T20:25:00.002+08:00

Today's my grandma's birthday. But I'm not at her house celebrating her birthday because I'm supposed to be staying at home studying for my last exam on tues. Yet, I've stopped progressing since my first paper. After the second paper, it just gets worse. I kept telling myself that I must not give up, but somehow I'm not able to. Escape has become the easy way out for me to cope with all the stress and disappointment. I know I'm not going to fare well for my previous paper because I don't even know what is there to write for one of the questions I've chosen. Even though I have mentally prepared myself for my CAP to drop, somehow reality still hurts.

I don't know what kind of future lies ahead of me. I only know that I will keep walking on, even if it is darkness that awaits. Perhaps life is going to be quite different from what I thought it might be, from what I hope it will be. Will I grow to become even stronger, to deal with life's uncertainty and despair? I can only hope so.

PS: Happy birthday to grandma. Though I can't be there to say that to you, I'll say it here. I wish you stay happy always.

2010-11-25T15:10:00.002+08:00

2 more papers to go. I feel so lethargic after my first paper. I can only hope my profs don't find my essays too shallow and mark me down. I don't know.

Not studying as hard for my paper tomorrow. It's the philosophical geo module which I find myself quite unengaged with the stuff taught. Sigh. I wish I can get back some interest later on because I badly need to finish the readings and memorize stuff.

In the midst of the exams, I feel quite demoralised by my lack of momentum to push myself beyond my own capacity to improve. Yet, I am contended with the simple things in life. I thought if there are things to cheer me up these days, it would be the fact that I am also having happy times with my family and friends. I know it sounds weird, but living a simple life without too much of a up and down is actually quite a bliss to me. Somehow, the older I get, the more I treasure the peaceful and regular lifestyle I live, rather than complain that it may be mundane at times. Perhaps, the happiest time of my life is now, spending time with my family and friends, rather than pursuing a certain fantasy that is romanticized by myself. Haha.

PS: Happiness is in living a simple life and believing that you already have what it takes to be happy. =)

2010-11-22T14:46:00.005+08:00

It's about 1 and a half day to my first paper. Exam preparation has been quite bad. Have been complaining to CY a lot about how I wasn't able to focus, how stress I am about this semester. But I was the one who chose to stay on for 1 more year. I was the one who have decided on this path and yet I have given up on myself once again whenever the pressure to push forward is too suffocating.

Do you ever have the feeling of walking into your own "death"? Even if I know what dangers lie ahead, I still have to walk towards it because there isn't a choice of turning back. I have myself to blame for the situation I am in. And there is just no room for regrets.

PS: Staring at the stack of notes in front of me makes me even more aware of the emptiness inside my head.

2010-11-07T20:48:00.003+08:00

The 'home effect' can be quite a dangerous experience for me at this point in time. I need to push myself even harder because finals are coming. And the 1st thing I got to do is to stop studying at home because it doesn't work well (proven by a million times). I must not be lazy. Need to get out of house everyday to study. So I intend to stay back in school everday until night to study. Yes. I must not give up even if I'm super not confident about scoring well for the modules this sem.

PS: Don't give up. I don't want to regret about not putting in more efforts on my part....

2010-11-05T10:27:00.002+08:00

I must work very very hard for finals and HT. Must not give up!!!

PS: Awesome group and awesome result for GTA presentation. We have made it! =D

2010-11-04T20:58:00.004+08:00

Oh no, I think I'm still slacking quite a lot these few days. Sigh. The same old bad habit doesn't change whenever I'm stressed out. 2 more presentations to go. Am kind of looking forward to my last presentation for Eco D. Should be fun. Haha. I like my team. They're so on and happening about the skit we'll be presenting next Thurs. Hope we can do a gd job for that presentation. =)

Have not submitted what I was supposed to email my HT advisor last week. I should let him know that I've been working on it but I need more time. I feel so bad for not doing enough for HT, but I'm kind of trying to, just that I need a lot more time than what I've expected. =S

PS: Am thankful to Prof Yueng for not grading me down for GTA assignment. Hope I can score a decent grade for his module (cause GTB doesn't look too hopeful for me...).

2010-10-30T11:34:00.001+08:00

The more I try to understand GTB group assignment, the more confuse I am... But given the lack of time, I will satisfice and choose to go along with the common consesus.

2010-10-23T16:24:00.007+08:00

Am still struggling to complete Eco D individual assignment. Though the word limit is at 1.5K, this assignment is not easy because the prof requires us to include references as well as statistical data if possible. I've chosen to do topic 3: Evaluate the adaptive or mitigation programmes on climate change in ASEAN. It's kind of broad so I need to narrow down a lot to stay within the word limit. Hm.. I so wanted to finish it today. I'm not sure if I can manage it but hopefully I can.

Am listening to 2pm's 'Without You'. I think the song is pretty catchy. But the dance moves seem a bit weird at times (like the hand waving at the waist level to indicate 'without' and the 'ok' hand sign which looks a bit cheesy). Anyone knows who is the guy who appear at 2.08min? I like his voice (and the looks of the guy who appears in the mv)there. Thought it's kind of sexy (sadly it only lasts for like 2 secs). Haha.

Alright, I shall go back to my work. Sigh. I really want to finish my assignment today....

2010-10-16T17:59:00.003+08:00

Super annoyed at Geo Thot A assignment. I don't fancy making an argument out of people's arguments. Half of the time, I don't even know what's the argument about. So I'm just blantantly guessing what the authors are trying to say and hope it makes sense. After a lot of editing and changes, I'm still like halfway from hitting the 2.5k word count. Am always running out of things to say and running into the chances of saying wrong things. I aim to finish it all tonight, cause I really cannot keep dragging it forever. Deadline is next wed and another assignment is due next next mon. Got to update prof with HT modification in 2 wks time. Plus 3 more presentations coming up next month.

I really don't want to drop to 3rd class honours. Am very worried about my inability to understand and produce knowledge....

2010-10-15T08:46:00.007+08:00

I aim to finish Geo Thot A assignment this week. I have started on it since last week but there's a lot more to refine after talking to my prof about it.

Was awaken by a koel (asian bird) this morning. What a way to start off a new day. This koel was calling so damn loudly that I thought the call was echoing through the HDBs. I hope it doesn't continue doing that in the morning, or at least not at HDBs. I can't imagine what fate lies ahead for that koel if people actually complain about it. People are not particularly tolerant over nuisance here, as shown by the case where this advertising agency got heavily criticized for their bear stunt.

I thought I would just share 1 more incident which added to the bad start of my day. When I woke up, I actually saw a sms by a certain guy from my geo class asking me to send him an email regarding group discussion for a particular geo mod. The weirdest thing is that, he said my friends and I are in his group when it's not even the case. I seriously hope he can wake up and stop acting like he's living in a world of his own. It's been like half a sem gone and why is he still making such a mistake? It can be pretty irritating and confusing to both his group and mine. But I don't think he ever notices how bad his image is, at least that's true for me, and by doing such things are just going to make me dislike him even more.

Alright, enough of complaints. Time to get things started proper. Must not give up!

2010-10-10T15:44:00.008+08:00

Do you understand the feeling of wanting to do something but are not able to do it because it would sabotage your efforts in doing something else that needs to be done? Do you understand the feeling of having to be stuck with the limits of your own efforts in dealing with something that needs to be done, making you feel so lousy every single day? How about seeing those around you getting what you hoped for in life but you yourself don't get to have it, because that's how it is.

Everything is not ok. But what else can I do than to deal with it all and try to make it all seem ok? I don't think there's any room for pity in the harsh world we live in.

PS: Assignments can really be a pain in the ass when half the time you don't really know the stuff you said or if half of what you are talking about makes sense at all. I could be totally off the track with the slightest misconception I have pertaining to what I'm arguing about. Am I a fool who tries to fool an expert into thinking that I know my stuff? Massive reading, or at least what I believe to be doing according to my own standards, is not exactly good enough without truly understanding them and applying them to form my own knowledge. It's a long way to go, which I may not have the amount of time I require to brush up the necessary skills, especially when I spend half of my time wasted on activities which allows me to escape from the stress I suffer from on a daily basis.

2010-10-07T12:44:00.001+08:00

I wish more recycling companies will reply to my email soon....

2010-10-05T10:20:00.003+08:00

I want to:

1) Enjoy the process of work
2) Do something that is meaningful, such as by giving back to the society in my own way
3) Not give up when the going gets tough
4) Always keep in mind the 3 aims I have listed above

2010-09-28T18:00:00.006+08:00

I might be able to just finish my Geo Thot B assignment today. But I feel so empty in the whole process of churning out this assignment. It felt like I'm just throwing whatever that I can find into the assignment for the sake of fulfilling its requirement of using at least 8 articles to connect to the key article I'm supposed to review. So, given the lack of time, and for the most part, the lack of understanding, I just dumped what I thought sounded alright into the essay, hoping that it would connect to the arguments I've made.

Even if I've spent a lot of time on this assignment, it is not a work well done on my part. I'm so not able to understand the different articles well, let alone connect them. Worse still, I'm not exactly sure how the readings or this assignment would help me in my HT since my idea is still pretty unstable and it is making my way forward ever more treacherous.

Is my climb up to the top going to be safe when the foundation I have is so weak at supporting me? Whatever it is, I really have to fight on.... The fall from the top is too unimaginable and horrifying.

2010-09-26T12:31:00.004+08:00

I wanted to finish my assignment today but that aim is slowly becoming further from me as I start to be running low on my momentum. Reading and processing information has become an onerous task at hand. Struggling to understand half of what the articles argue and remembering half of what I read is proving to be really challenging, based on my standards.

The pressure is mounting. Wish I have a better progress after lunch.

PS: Sorry Kaleng, would have been there to support your fundraising if I didn't have this assignment to rush through. My inefficiency in work has once again caused me to live an unfulfilling social life. If only I can stop using work as an excuse to cover up for my incompetency. Anyway, I wish you raise lots of funds today and shall meet you up again some time soon. =)

2010-09-04T16:32:00.002+08:00

I need to de-stress. It's been a long and tiring fight for me trying to figure out on how to frame my HT topic so that it's geographical and yet feasible at the same time. Maybe I've worried too much. Whatever it is, the only thing I'm sure of is that my current incessant concerns over my HT progress seems to make my potential HT idea an impasse. HT is the challenge that I've taken, and it has proven to be a great one indeed. Have never realised how little I know of geography, how ignorant I am about the world, until now. Can only hope that I will survive through the bugbear HT has become.

PS: Why won't an ingenious idea just strike me after all the brain-storming or "thoughts showering"? Or has it already been implanted in my head, just that I haven't been able to discern it from the other thoughts that are over-cramming my brain? Need to calm down, need to focus, need to better "absorb the sperms in the air" to make my idea fecund.

2010-08-17T21:34:00.008+08:00

Haha. I'm sorry for not updating this blog for quite some time. Am determined to work really hard in this academic year and hence I've really been forcing myself to keep up with the readings (though I still have some more to read).

I'll type a short blog to inform people some changes in my life since school started.

1) I've decided to give myself an English name called Cassandra. No disrespect to my parents who have given me my chinese name. Just that having an English name would be useful in the kind of environment I am in. I purposely use C as the starting letter because I think my chinese name has the meaning of being crystal clear. So it's related to my chinese name too. Have been struggling for a long time and this is the decision I've made. So next time if you hear people calling me Cassandra, don't be too surprised. =)

2) Yes, I'll be doing a HT. Am still researching for a good topic but as of now I intend to study Rooftop garden as a social space for residents living in Duxton. Not sure how it'll go. If I go into this topic, perhaps I can take into comfort that the school will subsidize half of my research expenses (imagine the cost I'll incur for paying $5 each time I go up to the rooftop garden).

3) I've been to SPCA last Friday and I think it's quite interesting to help out there. Basically I had to help clear dog poo and scrub the cell-like space the dogs occupy. The worse part of it is to get over the overwhelming nauseous feeling I got when the dog poo stench hit my smelling senses. It was really bad. I hope I can overcome it. To KY, this is something I must warn you, to get yourself prepared for a tough job if you ever volunteer to help out as a dog shelter helper. Anyway do inform me if we're in for the Cat Cafe project in NUS. =)

That's all for now. I wish my friends who are still studying in NUS all the best for school. It's going to be another hectic and stressful semester for us. May we survive it all. Good luck and hope to meet up with you all some time in school. =)

2010-08-07T23:51:00.007+08:00

Tomorrow will be my last day of work at Tampines Changkat CC. Time really flies when you're busy. It has been a happy and pleasant experience working there. Most of the staff are really nice and friendly to me. I've learnt more about the job scope in a CC. I guess the people working there are really busier than I used to imagine. There's so much to do for upcoming events as well as to deal with public's enquiry. As a part-time worker there, my experience was that either I was very busy or that I was totally slacking. Pretty extreme. Whatever it is, I do hope my experience will come into handy if I were to get an admin job in the future.

I think I will miss the days I've worked in Changkat CC. Afterall I've already spent slightly more than 1 month working here. I don't think I'll have much time to take in everything that is dear to me from the CC tomorrow since it will be a busy day for me and most of the staff who are preparing for the National Day Dinner celebration. I hate saying goodbye but I think it would come soon and everything will end as the day passes quickly. I think it's really goodbye to people there, like how it has always been after I've left my previous jobs. I remember how I used to have really good friends whom I've known from working. But the friendship just couldn't sustain itself as we all parted and went into our separate paths. It happens. Yet, I'm glad that at least I'll be carrying away fond and happy memories of them with me. This alone can cheer me up a little even when the farewell gets a little emotional for me.

PS: Even if there were too many meetings and goodbyes which I've faced in life, I still can't help feeling upset when the farewell comes. Yet, time will heal it all. It has always been this way.

2010-08-01T19:35:00.008+08:00

I've just watched Inception. I find it interesting but not deep enough to intrigue me. Can't stop comparing it with Shuttle Island since it's the last movie I've watched with Leonardo as the lead actor. I still prefer Shuttle Island because it has more suspense and twist within the plot. Inception provides us with an interesting idea of multiple dreams and the time difference while going into the next layer of dream. But the idea of dream sharing and the ability to control the waking up from the dream or going into the next dream within the dream makes it feels too surreal and far-fetched in my opinion. But overall, I still enjoy the movie. Would think it's more like an action movie than a suspense or psychological movie.

Dreams are really interesting because they reflect our state of mind or emotions hidden deep within our subconscious mind. There are dreams which I would forget after I woke up. In many dreams, they wouldn't make sense to me and I would see people I've never seen before and been to places I've never been to before. It would be scary to take dreams as a premonition to what is about to happen in the future or a gateway to view your past life if you believe in reincarnation. But sometimes you can't stop wondering if dreams actually have more meaning to them other than revealing what you are most afraid of or most concerned about at that point in time. Maybe dreams do show you what you most desired, making you feel like it's better to be in the dream than to wake up from it. Whatever it is, we will always wake up from our dreams, just like we will wake up in the reality if we ever fall too deep into our "dreams (a reality that is different from what you expect it to be)".

PS: Reality is not too different from dreams in the sense that we will often find ourselves waking up from it. I guess we all dream whether we are in sleep or not in sleep, which is the most intriguing and beautiful part of the human mind. The distinction between a dream and a reality lies in what you choose to believe in.

2010-07-07T00:33:00.009+08:00

Am getting emo again after listening to "Unbreak my heart" sang by Aof PongSak. I think he has a great voice. I think he sings well in English for a Thai. Highly recommend this song to people reading this blog (check out the video in my blog). Hope you will like his singing too. =)

Anyway, a good FS friend of mine is going to Australia for SEP this Thursday. Time really flies. He's about to leave S'pore for 5 months. I will miss meeting him and my other close FS friends for meals and food gathering. I will be sending him off on Thurday. Hope I won't get too emo. I wish Evan has a safe trip and that he has lots of fun there. Take care and keep in contact, even if you're not reading this blog.

I shall talk about the new part time job I've started last week for a change of a happier topic. Work is quite alright and the people there are nice and friendly. So at least I've enjoyed working there. Am working as a part time admin worker in Tampines Changkat CC, which is pretty near to my house, hence I have a strong tendency to be late for work (very bad). Am hired to sort of cover the job scope of a worker who is in NS. For this job, I have to work on 2 different shifts. One is morning from 8.30am to 6pm, the other 12.30pm to 10pm. I personally prefer the later shift because I get to wake up late, which fits my usual waking habits during the holidays. This job also require me to work on at least 1 weekend. So far, my off days are Sun and Mon. But I will be working on Sun until after this week since I have to help out for Teck Ghee CC's CO's performance at salvation army this Sat. I hope I won't screw up for the performance. I feel like I have not practised enough according to my standards. Anyway, I will only be working until 23rd of this month so far, which is just right considering that I'll be starting on my 4th year in NUS soon.

Before I end my entry, I want to talk about matters close to the heart. In these few days, I was just thinking about the feelings we develop for people. Do you ever wonder why it is that sometimes you just have an unknown fondness for some people, even if you've only just met the person? Do you wonder why your heart decides to feel some form of attachment to some people, causing you to think about the person everyday? That you feel happy whenever you see the person around. It's a strange feeling that I'm sure everyone has encountered or experienced at a certain point in life. Even if I think that there's a chance of me to feel sad or hurt when I don't get to see the person for long, that it will all fade in the time to come, just like many other people who have come and left my life, my heart cannot stop itself from feeling the way it is feeling right now. I cannot stop myself from being this happy when you're around. Even if I'm nothing to the person, I have allowed myself to be hurt, to be in the same state I've suffered before. I guess I can only say, the heart decides the feeling we have for people and that I have chosen to follow it. I'm not able to go against my heart in my life, at least not now...

2010-06-24T13:35:00.006+08:00

I'm back from my trip to China. But I'll share more about my trip in this blog after I've gotten the photos in SH's and my uncle's memory card.

Overall, I must say that although the trip has exposed me much to China's culture as well as history, I guess it would be more fun if the company was right. Being with my relatives made me realise how distant I feel towards them sometimes and how lonely I can be without my friends. It's kind of sad and scary, to find out that the connection with them is so thin, which is the result of meeting/interacting with them every once in a year during CNY. But that's how it is. I believe there won't be another time when I'll travel with them again. I'm not saying that they're not nice or what, but it's just that I've grown out of the closer connection with them in these years and I've only realised it through this trip. I guess it happens to people. People do grow out of the close relationships they once had and the connection will somehow be broken after some time of not maintaining it.

Maintaining a relationship is like flying a kite sometimes. In our lives, we will be flying many kites at the same time. There will be some kites which will feel smooth in our hands, that the kite will fly higher everytime we fly it. In the midst of flying so many kites, some of the kites' string will break and they will fly away from us. If a kite is meant to go, you have to let it go. Because even if you're upset that it's gone, it will never come back to you. A good kite flyer will not waste his time lamenting after a kite that is gone, because he knows he has the remaining kites to care for. A kite flyer who only knows to look at his loss may risk losing his other kites. Once in awhile, there will be a kite which you so love but its string is hurting you as you're flying it. Despite all your efforts, that kite struggles to be free, causing you a lot of pain as you try to keep it by your side. Yet, in order to keep flying kites, you got to let go of the kite that is not meant to stay. Else you may have to risk your life trying to keep it, which in the end, even after you have given up all the other kites, that one kite will still fly away.

Do be obsessed with a kite. Let go of the kite that is not meant to stay. May we all be a good kite flyer who knows how to fly beautiful kites and let go of beautiful kites at the same time, though I agree that it takes time and experience to become a pro.

PS: 不要被那剪不断的线给绑住, 因为每个结束也是一个新的开始的源头. 所以就让该结束的结束, 此后自由的走向另一个开始.

2010-06-08T13:44:00.002+08:00

Will be away in Shanghai from 9th to 20th June. Hope we have a fun and safe trip there. I guess I'll be the only one of my age in the tour, but should be fine. Hope dad can manage everything at home being alone since me, mum and bro will be in overseas. I shall try to contact Karin and Yi Fei when I'm there. Maybe I'll bump into Karin when I reach there tml since we're going to the same place. Haha. Should be taking an early flight tomorrow. So cya all when I come back after my trip. =)

2010-06-03T19:11:00.003+08:00

I've just started an account on Twitter. But I don't really know how to use it. I think the more people who are using it, the more fun it gets. If friends are using Twitter, do add me. My username is Forestdreamer88. =)

2010-05-31T10:14:00.003+08:00

Finally I'm no longer unsure of what comes after 3rd year. I will be staying on for 4th year. My CAP has finally hit the long awaited target of 3.5 to qualify for honours year. Am thankful to take Catchment because the A- from that has helped a lot. Am thankful again that I don't get any more B-s. Am thankful that I do get a B+ from Music in global context. Yay. It's good but I must keep in mind that the battle is not over. My CAP is still risky. It's just at 3.54. Well, going on to 4th year means more hard work, stress and determination if I want to maintain in 2nd lower position. I must not give up.

I should get started on preparing for a thesis track. Should withdraw my graduation soon. Will probably do it later. Now I just want to enjoy the happiness of reaching my goal. Haha. I can graduate with bro next year. =)

2010-05-30T11:18:00.020+08:00

Let me blog about Korea now that I'm back. I shall do it before the release of results tomorrow in case it may affect my mood.

I love Korea. I love the weather there. It's so windy and cooling, which doesn't give you the sweaty and stuffy feeling in Singapore. I love their scenic attractions. In particular, I remember walking up to the top of Seongsan Ilchulbong (part of UNESCO World Heritage) at Jeju Island. I think I almost ran up to the top of the dormat volcano because I was so curious about lies on the top as well as the kind of view I will get to see if I got up there. The view and the feeling of being there on the top is worth it. Though I'm still suffering from muscle ache which might have been linked to climbing up the volcano, I don't regret reaching the top of the volcano. The sense of achievement and satisfaction is indescribable.

Seongsan Ilchulbong from far (crater on top)
View from the top of the volcano
Crater
Me with the volcano

We have also been to Naksan Temple. There was a huge Kwan Yin Statue (Sea Kwan Yin) on top of the hill. The scenery there was awesome. There were many colourful lanterns, each filled with wishes and blessings from the people who have made donations to the temple. It was near the Vesak day when we were there. Hence the temple was pretty crowded. Vesak Day has also caused a huge jam on the road as many Koreans move from the city area to the rural side where the temples were mainly located at, which caused us to be stuck on the bus for 5 hours on our first day there. In the end we've even missed going to 1 tourist attraction site, which is the National Park. Oh well.

Sea Kwan Yin Statue
Colourful Lanterns
Lanterns along the hill

I also remember the Teddy Bear Farm Museum in particular. The one we went to is located in Sokcho Korea, which is a smaller version compared to the one we passed by on Jeju Island. The teddy bears in the exhibition are super adorable. I've taken quite a few photos of the teddy bears. I would highly recommend people who love teddy bears or have a thing for cute stuff to visit the Teddy Bear Farm Museum if you're in Korea.

Teddy Farm Museum

Cute Traditional Korean Bear display

Me with the cute bears =)

Birthday Theme

I've also got a chance to sit on a hot-air balloon on Jeju Island. The hot-air balloon was static and fixed to the ground with rope, which I felt was much safer. The view up on the balloon was great. It gave an aerial view of Jeju Island. Pretty.

Hot Air Balloon

View from the hot air balloon
Another view from the hot air balloon

This reminds me of our trip to Lotte World Theme park, which is like a Disneyland in Korea. I didn't dare to take most of the rides which my friends tried on. But it was a pleasant trip because the theme park was well-decorated and had a fairytale like fantasy feel to it. It reminded me of what I've learnt in Geography, that the place was constructed in a way that makes visitors forget about the world outside and just enjoy themselves within the "fantasy world" as a form of escape from reality. That realisation struck me as I looked up to the glass ceiling, the only opening to the world outside while I was within the indoor theme park.

The outdoor castle Swing (Tree), the only ride I dare to take
Hot Air Balloon ride to observe the indoor park

The fantasy world within the indoor park

I also remember The Shilla Hotel (Jeju). It is a super grand hotel which we've visited that was beside the hotel we stayed at. The Shilla Hotel is the hotel that would be accommodating the guests attending the Tri-lateral Summit Meeting which Japan, Korea and Republic of China would take part in. When we first stepped in, it felt weird to be in there because the place was so empty. But it was an eye-opening for me, to be in such a grand hotel.

The gallery in the Shilla Hotel
Resting area outside function room

My opinion of the whole tour is that I've enjoyed going to most of the places, especially those tourist attractions, but we had to rush most of the time. I guess that's one disadvantage of going on a tour, you just need to be on time to be in the schedule. The experience would have been better if the main tour guide was more professional and friendlier towards us. I'm not sure if it's because of the Korean culture which gives more respect to the elderly and seniors in an age hierarchy, but somehow I feel that the tour guide doesn't seem be interested in our welfare. Fortunately we had Peter (The Hand), a good-looking Korean photographer who would wait for us and guide us to follow the rest of the tour group using a yellow hand toy. Am thankful to him. Sadly, we can't communicate with him much because he doesn't really speak English. So all the time I was just thanking him in Korean. Peter is not only attached, he also smokes. Smoking and drinking seems to be part of the Korean culture that local guys have to take up on in order to be part of society. We were told that if they don't drink, they would end up being a social stigma there. I guess such masculine culture is not uncommon in foreign countries.

Us and Peter before we left for Jeju

We were also told that Korea's social system was quite patriarchal, which is gradually changing in these days. In the past, Korean women had to wait for the senior men in the household to have their meals first before they can eat because they're not supposed to eat on the same table as the seniors and the men. Yet, the women had to be the first ones to wake up so as to prepare the meals for the household. I guess this type of culture is pretty prevalent in Asia in the past.

I love Korea. I do hope to go there again for more shopping (you can get their cosmetics and accessories at better prices compared to prices in Singapore). Next time, I wish I can spend more time at Shinchon Ladies Street. The prices there are so much better compared to other places. Although Dongdaemun is a good place for shopping, the prices are quite high in the mall as compared to places just outside the mall. Perhaps it's better to just get the souvenirs on the top level of Dongdaemun. It would be much cheaper to get there as compared to the airport. Although we were told that it's possible to bargain, we didn't manage to haggle much. I guess it's because we looked like young, inexperienced tourists so they didn't reduce the price too much for us. Whatever it is, it'll definitely be good to pick up some basic Korean language so as to communicate better with the locals there. Maybe their attitude will also be better if we can speak their native language.

Shinchon Ladies Street
Alright, that's all for now. I shall update again if I have anything interesting to share on my trip to Korea. I miss Korea......

PS: To friends who have me on FB, you can refer to my other photos which I've uploaded there under the Korea album. =)

2010-05-20T00:11:00.002+08:00

Will be away in Korea from 20th to 27th May. Will be leaving at night, at 10+pm. Wish that it will be a safe and enjoyable trip. =)

PS: I will miss the people in S'pore. But I'll come back real soon, with gifts. Haha. So please take care over here too. Cya when I'm back. =)

2010-05-17T13:06:00.002+08:00

I want to talk about love before I forget how it feels like. I think I've come to see it a little better after watching "The notebook". I've always been trying to find love. All my life. I think I'm chasing after it. Chasing after its shadow. Hoping that I will find it.

Yet, love will always find its way back to you. Love is when I realise that you are there for me, despite who I am, that you have never left me and will never. Love is so natural. That even when we've quarrelled, that I was upset with you before, you will still come back into my life. Because it is just meant to be. That is what love is. Love is when I'll be there for you, just like I know you're there for me, no matter what happens. I just want you to know I love you and I thank you for loving me. I believe that everyone is loved. You just need to remember how it feels like.

PS: I know you will come to me. Because love will bring you back when everyone else leaves. And I'll be there waiting just for you....

2010-05-15T11:11:00.005+08:00

I want to give my special thanks to 2 good friends. Thank you Doris for sharing and listening. I will remember what you've said and will find the determination to believe. Thank you Si Hui for calling me and listening to me whenever there are problems. Thank you all for being there with me. I'm really grateful.

I have decided to believe in finding my own happiness. I want to believe that I will be able to reach the absolute happiness in my life, which will always be there no matter what happens. It's not going to be easy but I will try cause that is what I want to achieve. It's something worth fighting for. So I must not give up. If I don't give up, the happiness will be there waiting for me and reaching it would be sweet. So wait for me. I'll come to you.

I recognise that I'm someone who is easily emo, but this time round I've decided to stay firm in my decision to change for the better, to accept my weakness but not to give up hope. It is tough but I'm glad that I have my family and good friends who are giving me lots of love. The gift of wonderful people in my life is what I have also come to recognise and I will not give up happiness and the right to believe in happiness for myself and for these people. I wish you all find your happiness. Heaven will know our efforts and will be able to see our actions. So please keep believing that the good will come even if the going gets tough. If I can do it so can you. Must not give up.

PS: You reap what you sow. So make a difference now in order to have a better future. =)

2010-05-12T13:02:00.005+08:00

It's holiday for me. Am coping with the the guilt of wasting time and money when I'm old enough to be contributing to the house. Yet I can't commit to any work this holiday, at least not until the end of June, because I'll be away on overseas trips.

So here I am spending my time everyday watching movies online, playing games, sometimes wondering what is the value of my life. I really envy my friends who got internships, who are so successful in their lives, who seem to have a goal and know what to do. At least I can see a rosy future for them. Am still dealing with struggle of the aimless drift in life. Maybe it's time to stop wondering. Maybe I'm just wasting my time, trying to find a dream which I can work towards. Maybe I'm just finding excuses for myself, because I'm afraid to step out into the world, to realise that I haven't been really looking because I believe I can live in my dream forever. Always hoping that everything good will fall down from the sky, not pushing for anything, not fighting for anything. Be it for love, for success or for money. I've seen it happen for so long but I've not done anything to stop it.

There's so much to cope in life, to deal with the past. Was watching "Good Will Hunting". Till the end, it really touches me. There's this particular scene when Robin Williams kept telling Matt Damon that "It's not your fault" to heal him from the past when he was abused as a child by his stepfather in the movie. It's true that shit happens in life. But you can end the sufferings by walking out from the past. It's not easy. If the past comes back to haunt you again, maybe you can try saying "It's not your fault" to yourself. It's not your fault, so just walk out of it already. You have suffered long enough and it has to end, in order to move on. It has healed me a little. I hope it will heal you too. That's what I wanted to share about.

Even if it is tough understanding it all, everything will be alright. You can make it alright. So just give yourself a chance to believe in it.

2010-05-01T23:01:00.005+08:00

Studying on a module which is about music is really very distracting. Because when I was doing more research on it, I tend to read on stuff that is not exactly related to what is covered in this module. All because I was curious about it. The worst is to chance upon nice songs while searching for music samples on youtube, they totally took my mind off (e.g. the song "so sad" from gregorian chant).

In the lecture, it was mentioned that music affects the mood. How true. I guess listening to too much of sad music does make one easily depressed. Yet, it is I who love such sad music. So doesn't it makes me a person who likes to torture myself with sadness? It feels kind of weird how someone can be so attached to sadness. I can't explain the connection. Maybe I need to cry so as to relieve myself of the stress and excessive emotion that I deal with in everyday's life. Maybe my heart needs to feel the pain to tell me of its presence. The relationship I have with sadness is kind of morbid, but it's inexplicably true.

The night has fallen. It is during the night when one is left alone, thinking about life and people in the midst of its quietness and chilliness. What would you be thinking of in the night? What would you be doing in the night? Would you look up to the stars and the moon, asking heaven why your life is the way it is? Would you ask what it means to live? Would you ask if the way you are living is really fine? Would you pray that one day you will be able to understand the world, about people, about yourself better?

Is there something missing in my life? It feels like even if I have it all, I'm still kind of searching for something that is able to fill my heart. Am I searching for a goal, a dream to push me forward? I have no idea. Maybe I live to keep searching, keep pursuing. Maybe it's not the end that defines my life, but the pursuit and struggle I face everyday that is fueling life itself.

PS: Even if it's difficult understanding it all, accepting it all, it's ok. Maybe to be alive is not to understand it all. That even if it's tough being alive, it is in not giving up and to keep living that makes your life meaningful. To love life even if everything bad happens. To deal with all the sadness if you need to. Because it is in living that you have feelings, have thoughts, and this itself is something that is meaningful. So cry if you may. Let your heart hurt if you may. Till life itself ceases when the time for us to leave comes.

2010-04-30T22:09:00.011+08:00

Alright. I've just spent the last hour watching the Shanghai Expo opening. The opening was impressive, just like the opening for Beijing Olympic. China scores in terms of the number of pretty girls on stage (almost all of them have pretty straight legs, goodness). China also scores in terms of the number of fireworks. I think that was like 15 minutes of fireworks displayed. Pretty. Yet, I can't help wondering how much environmental pollution was that after the whole thing. So much smoke was generated. =S

All I can say is the whole display was quite 夸张. Everything felt like it was done to the max. Once again, the whole world will be impressed by such spectacle. Yet, for awhile, I thought I saw rain falling onto the performing stage. I'm not sure if I've saw it right. But the stage floor looked wet and it seem like the performers were performing in the rain. Was there a roof above the stage? I don't think I saw it. If the performers were performing in the rain, I feel sorry for them. Their instruments would be wet too. Mum said the rain was created for Rain (korean singer) but I doubt so. I have no idea.

PS: Btw, I think the song "Timeless Love" is quite nice. You can check out under youtube, for the korean version. =)

2010-04-28T23:57:00.007+08:00

Inspired after watching a few MVs on Shanghai Expo 2010, I went on to find out about some of the moscots which I've found that are representing some countries.

Shanghai's moscot

Singapore's moscot (with durian head)

Australia's moscot

Thailand's moscot Japan's moscot (so cute)

Do check out the MVs for Shanghai Expo 2010. I've uploaded the Singapore's one in my own blog. Some other songs include 台湾心跳声, 开始incity and 微笑上海.

2010-04-28T22:16:00.004+08:00

I think I'm "killed" by the transnational migration essay for my population geo paper. 15 marks gone. I had to jump into that question given that I've studied so hard for the topic, even if I didn't quite know what sort of answer is required. The other essay was not well written too. Another 15marks. I really don't want to get a B- for this module. But there's nothing more I can do given that it is all over. So screwed up.

Am left with 1 last paper, which is also for the most interesting module I've taken this sem (Music in global context) but also has the least amount of readings or things to study for. Am so not used to not having plenty of stuff to read on (ok, i know i'm complaining too much here). Which explains why I feel so relax now. But I'm so going to study for this module because I'm trying not to SU it. Shall start the proper revision from tomorrow onwards. 1 more paper to go. Don't give up!

PS: Sometimes, I would walk over to coffee club express to study, only to remember there are blood sucking mosquitoes around which so love to suck my blood after some time spent sitting there. Why me of all people? Talk about fairness in this world, as if.

2010-04-25T19:25:00.002+08:00

I think I might have just hit the saturation point of my information absorption capacity. It feels like nothing more is going in and I'm just staring blankly at my IT1003 coursebook with my thoughts wondering off from the information that is in the book, the information I so urgently need to get it processed for the final exam tomorrow.

Perhaps the content is too dry to engage me. Perhaps my will to focus is just not strong enough. The only comfort that I have is that this paper is an evening paper and I might be able to make up for the lack of progress today in the last few hours of revision tomorrow. Yet, am not particularly hopeful since there's this saying that we shouldn't cramp everything into our brain in the last minute. But judging by the circumstances, I guess cramping is not an option. Perhaps my weakness in staying focus and overcoming the high stress level is making me a firefighter in terms of exam preparation over the years. It's not something that I can deny no matter what excuses I have.

Time doesn't stop ticking away. It doesn't wait for you just because you're not ready. How cruel. But that's reality.

2010-04-24T00:28:00.006+08:00

Good luck to friends and bro who are taking exams in just a few hours time. Good luck to people who start their papers next week. Jia you for this final lapse of revision and exams before the semester ends. May we all survive.

If the going gets tough, try to take the whole process as a learning experience. It may help to take off a bit of exam stress. In the case when concentration is waning, can take a power nap of 10 mins/ drink cold water/ wash face/ do some stretching/ massage hands and neck/ eat sweet. Some tips I got from the Internet. Please take care. Don't give up and it will all end in about 2 weeks' time or less. I shall look forward to that.

PS: Suffering from a sudden flu which comes so untimely. May the flu go away (so much for exercising and keeping fit...)

2010-04-22T10:30:00.003+08:00

After days of revision, a look at the exam paper samples made me realise that I've not studied enough or understood the content well. Am worried, but time is running out.

It's tough processing information into knowledge. Understanding is necessary. I wish I can master the skills of understanding and do it at a faster rate.

2010-04-20T13:46:00.003+08:00

It scares me to see the many years of savings going down so quickly just within this year alone. Am having a hard time maintaining a decent amount of savings which I may depend on in the future. Will definitely need to cut down on certain expenses (maybe adjusting to being a loner and an anti-social person may help).

On top of the 2 overseas trips made last year (Thailand and Europe), will be going for another 2 trips if nothing goes wrong (Korea, Shanghai). Planning to take driving practicals after delaying it for about a year as well. I need money.

Shouldn't be thinking about this now that it's revision week. Sigh. Need to focus.

PS: Badly need to get away from B-. But is it possible?

2010-04-17T10:01:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to say goodbye. Even if you know it will come. Even if you know it is time to let go. Because there are things which you've ever held close in your heart that you're not willing to let go, at least not at this point in time. Even with time, there will be some things which will never be forgotten, which will always remain as part of memory till one day you become senile and the memories start to fade away.

Goodbye marks a transition point, when you are letting go of something and accepting something new. For people who are bad at letting things go, goodbye is a struggle.

I look back into the past and I wonder if it's goodbye to you. The one who has once given me a hope that is not meant to realise for someone like me, or maybe not at this point in time. I wonder if it's goodbye to you, someone whom I've kept in my heart but is not meant to stay in my life. Even if we've not done anything wrong, maybe we're not fated to carry forth the happy times which we've once spent together. I let you end it, but forgive me for letting you go. I'm not someone who can pretend I don't have any feeling, even till now.

In order to truly let go, I need to bid goodbye to you. I need to believe that you've truly exited from my life. That's the only way out for me.

PS: What isn't there will never be. I think God will forgive us for what we've done, because it's really not easy living it all. So it's up to us to forgive ourselves. You need to, so as to live on. It's ok. So just let go already.

2010-04-15T23:05:00.004+08:00

Have watched Shuttle Island with bro just now. It's a very interesting movie. Has a lot of mind-playing and psychological game involved. It's not that scary and it's not gory. I've enjoyed it. Throughout the movie, it made me wonder about moral values, about life and death and about sanity and insanity. Somehow, sanity and insanity feels like they're just separated by a thin thread, often confused and blurred. That's the beauty of the story. I would recommend this movie, especially to my psy friends. I think you all may find it interesting. I won't say what's the story like except that there's a bit of a twist at the end. Go watch to find out.

We are all carrying some kind of emotional scars, left on us by our experiences. Some people have acted in violence and left to suffer a lifelong guilt from the sins committed, living like a monster everyday. It's quite sad and pitiful. We tend to overlook the emotional and psychological scars, because they're not visible to the naked eye and because people tend to hide them. Yet, they remain embedded in the heart of every single person who has ever suffered, causing much pain to some as they suffer silently and most painfully. I think emotional hurt is as bad, or sometimes worse than physical ones.

Sometimes, what is done cannot be undone, leaving behind scars on people that they carry with them for life. Wounds may heal but the brain remembers. Yet, pain is something that each of us has to deal with. It's part of life. Even if unhappy things happen, life goes on. We all live for a purpose and are destined to fulfil a certain role. That's what I believe.

PS: May God heal our wounds and forgive us of our sins. I've seen too much sadness in people and have experienced too much myself. Can only pray that the tears shed and the pain we suffer from can redeem us from our own torment. Let the pain heal and let go of the past.

2010-04-14T12:29:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, you get this funny feeling that you're talking to space. Sometimes, you feel that you're not really as close to people you thought you are close with, people whom you regarded as important in your life.

It feels weird to log into FB or even MSN. Because sometimes maybe it doesn't really matter if I say anything or not. All along, I can tell who's on better terms with who and I know the role that I play within the group. The truth is, the group functions well without me. Or should I say no one in the group is at my side because I'm not the super likeable person compared to some others.

There's so much going on in me but there's nothing left to be said. There's so much I feel but there's nothing more that I believe I get in return.

2010-04-11T20:42:00.006+08:00

I've spent 1 whole day editing the slides and writing up the script for a 5 mins presentation tomorrow. The whole presentation is limited to 10 mins per group, so Jenny and I will have 5 mins to present on our slides. Have timed myself but my part took 8 mins. So I'll spend the whole night cutting down slides and timing myself. I hope I can memorise the script though I don't think I can present without script since I've never done it before. Sigh...

Meeting Jenny at 8am in school tomorrow. Have a music report and catchment report due next week. I hope I can survive. I really want to revise for final exams. I always have this insecure feeling about the modules I'm taking this sem. I am not confident about my modules. But it's a crucial sem for me. It would be nice if I can graduate with my bro next year. So I want to try to stay for my 4th year. Yet my CAP is at the borderline. I don't know if I can make it.

Sometimes, when you finally know what you want, have finally made a decision, it may actually be too late. I can only try my best and hope for the best.

PS: Sometimes, there's this empty feeling inside. What was once precious and important to me is being forced out of my life because of my experiences. I didn't choose to end up like this, but my experience has made me the person I am today. It's pretty nostalgic to recall the past and that feeling I once thought I cannot live without. I guess there are a lot of things which we may never expect to happen, but they do. Sometimes you cannot even find a reason to explain why some things happen. You can only learn to deal with it, learn to live with it.

2010-04-09T23:01:00.004+08:00

With all my heart, I wish that tomorrow's gig will run smoothly. It'll be the first time and very likely the last time that I'm performing for a gig. I pray that I will not screw up. I may tend to under perform when the stress level is high. Whatever it is, will practice hard tomorrow. May good luck be with us for tomorrow.

2010-04-07T16:55:00.010+08:00

Was reading through Music in Global Context notes. What I've read made me wonder about the characteristics of CO. Being in CO for so many years, I don't think I've ever question about the musical system which is so closely related to my life. Have made a few interesting discoveries as I sought to understand CO and its characteristics.

Here's just my personal thoughts about CO.

Question: What is CO's identity that makes it distinctive from other musical groups?

My Answer: Combination of chinese instruments (DIZI, suona, sheng, erhu, pipa, yangqin and many more) with cello and bass (rank is not in order of hierarchy). Often very loud (we called it 有气氛) or very emo (can't run away from that since there are many wars and tragedies in Chinese history). Tempo and dynamics vary in each orchestral piece.

Special characteristics of some Chinese instruments:

Dizi:
Bangdi (higher octave) Portray birds, nature and happiness (大地回春,喜洋洋).
Qu di, Xin di, Da di, Xiao (lower octave) Has a smokey, airy feel which is used to convey strangeness (飞天, 尧天舜日).

Suona: Bring in the 气氛. Good for pieces featuring war (将军令) and victory.

Erhu: Eerie. Often used to portray ghosts (打鬼, 莫愁女) or opening and closing of wooden door (打鬼,飞天) or wind (莫愁女).

Plucked instru: Sound like water. Often covered by the whole orchestra's dynamics, especially by suona and percussion when they come into the music.

Percussion: Important in setting the mood (e.g. war, festive).

Cello and bass: Balance the pitch of CO instru (often too high, exergerated by members who like to play their notes even higher). Sometimes, may slack a lot/play simple notes (almost insulting their skills) because cannot really fit into chinese music.

What makes a good CO?

In my opinion, a good CO is one whereby everyone works together to create harmonious music, to produce music that has feelings.

Ok. That's all for now. Just a bit of destress. Typed it out to let people who are not exposed to CO know a little more about it. =)

Warning: The info provided above is typed mainly for my own entertainment purpose, based on my own opinion. Please do not take them for referencing.

2010-04-04T21:11:00.003+08:00

My mind seems to be very noisy today. It feels like there are lots of thoughts going through my head that I can't quieten it. It all happened when I was taking a break from work. Why can't I be at peace when I'm not working? Why does my mind not take a rest from work and from all the things that I've been going through?

Sometimes, I think I'm weird. It feels as if I really want to talk to someone. Yet, I don't know what is there to say. I don't know why I feel this way. So I'll just talk to myself. That's when all the thoughts keep coming in.

Took a personality test on FB. Discovered that I'm a ISFJ. It's surprisingly accurate. So ISFJ tend to be upset a lot, tend to care a lot but they don't show their feelings. Maybe cause we don't want to be a burden to people. It feels like we need to express ourselves more in order for people to understand us better. That people often mistaken us to be cold and unapproachable. That only those who still want to stand by us after the test of time will get to see the warm side of us. And that's why we have long lasting friends, friends we know in our childhood. It's true. It takes time for us to build our trust in people, to be comfortable with people. Yet, behind the quiet and shy outlook we portray, we are often acting on the best interests of people.

Hm.. Maybe that's why I'm always tired. Somehow, I will still end up doing what I can for others, still trying to understand if I can even if I may not matter to anyone, even if people don't appreciate it. Even if it tires me, I can't stop. There is a reason behind everything I do and many times the reason is not something that benefits me. I do them for the sake of others. But cause I don't say so people don't know. Yet I'm not a person who wants to claim credit for what I do, for the changes I'm taking. Just that I will end up hurting myself a lot for being misunderstood.

After clearing the thoughts, I should get back to work.

2010-04-03T22:33:00.011+08:00

Congrats to Danny and Jazreel who are now the new CO president and vice president. Grats to Karin who got the APM post. I'll glad that I went down to support my friends. It was a close one for the post of VP between Jazreel and Wee Gin. Though Wee Gin has the quality to lead, I am still biased toward supporting my friend. I can feel that Jaz has put in the effort in thinking about restructuring CO. I'm glad for her that she got the post she wanted.

Danny was rather nervous when giving his speech during the AGM. I didn't expect him to be so nervous since he knows quite a few of us. But I guess it is stressful to talk in front of so many people. And even more stressful that he is intending to run for P. Nevertheless, he got what he wanted, which is good. I can only hope he really enjoys taking this post since I heard that he was kind of persuaded into taking it up. It's not easy being up there. Somehow, having the power comes with sacrifices as well. Whatever it is, know what you want and who you are. Then there will be no regrets.

Before I end, just want to thank SH for the card. I totally didn't expect it, since we're so old friends already. What you've mentioned in the card almost brought tears to my eyes, for a moment. We have been through CO for so long and I can understand how you feel. I probably may not touch my dizi again if I am to leave CO. But whatever it is the memories of CO will stay on for sure.

I guess it's kind of like a fate, to be in CO, to have my life so twined up with it, be it good or bad. I'm not sure how long this fate will last, but somehow I know there will be a day when it will end. Because I know I won't want to be in it when all my other friends have left. I thought it's quite sad to remain in CO when those who are close to you are no longer around. It's like it's the same and yet it's different. That's why I can never understand why uncle would want to remain in CO for so many years. Maybe he really treasures the time spent with Mr Lum or something. I would miss Mr Lum too. I would miss his fatherly smile. But like I said, it's all down to fate. If you're not fated to stay, a new phase of life will begin and what is dear to you will be part of the memories which you will keep, because it is meant to be. I believe time will help to lessen the pain of farewell.

PS: I don't dislike sadness because it is a proof that I have placed something in my heart and I have something that is close to me enough for me to feel that pain of losing it. It shows that I'm alive.

2010-04-02T15:23:00.005+08:00

Today is Good Friday, which is also the "university holiday" quoting from Prof Collins. My progress in work is slow, as usual. But I've told myself that moving slowly is better than not moving at all. So it makes me feel less guilty and less stressful.

Before I continue my work, I just want to talk about the importance of time. "Time flies", something which fellow friends and I, who are in our 3rd of studying in NUS, often talked bout these days. We are all somewhat surprised at how quickly uni life seem to be ending for us. Where has the time been spent into?

For me, time is seeping away in that 5 mins of waiting for bus 95/96, seeping away in that 5 mins of queuing for fruit juice in the deck, seeping away in CO practices as well as seeping away as I take a minimum 8 hours of sleep per day. You won't even know that time is passing by until one day it hits you in the head as you watch the deadlines and final exams approaching. That is when you realise time is really scarce and it's really seeping away. Even now as I'm typing this entry (and you reading this blog if you're reading it).

Everyone has the same amount of time. Yet some are more successful than others. Time management is really a skill that I am still mastering. It is important to priortise and also to set goals for yourself. The goals must be realistic and must be something that is important, so you will work hard towards them. It's time to stay focus. Even if at the end of the day I've not been able to meet my goals, at least I wouldn't regret working hard for it, if it gives me a little satisfaction to see the small improvement in my life.

PS: Must not be afriad to change.

2010-03-28T14:11:00.006+08:00

当你平静下来, 你会看得清楚状况. 你也会看到真正关心你的人.

我看得很清楚. 不会再被自己的幻想弄糊涂. 我真心感谢扶我一臂之力的人. 此恩惠我会放在心上.

我只求活得心安理得, 尽心尽力, 对的起自己和别人. 如果这样我还无法得到想要的, 我会学会放开那不属于我的. 这样, 我才会活得开心.

PS: 人的心有时很黑暗. 我的心也如此.

2010-03-27T10:00:00.004+08:00

When you're at the lowest, you will see the purest form of friendship. I'm thankful for those who have cared. Even the simplest sms, concern or simply being there is precious. I'm not sure how long I'll need to recover fully. I'm not sure if I can fully recover. Time may heal wounds but there will be scars left. Have all my experiences made me stronger or have they weakened me further over the years? I have no idea. But whatever it is, I know I will live on for my family. And I will continue to give my heart to people, to care, to do what I can for my friends. I have chosen such a life and I will live with it, even if all I get back is hurt.